it's just my life story

2007-02-01T01:07:00.000+09:00

been back since coming to a week.
been meeting up with friends.out till late.
things have been not going according to what i had in mind.

i know there's some people reading my blog who i seriously don't know them.
this is my own blog.
don't use my thoughts and put them into your own words and use them against me.
this is unfair.
my thoughts are solely mine.
and they are not to be used by you in any certain or uncertain way.
they aren't supposed to be interpreted by you and made into words.
if you were an interpreter then you would have had a job now wouldn't you?

ah.
problems.
they make you weak.
but after it's over.
they only make you stronger.

on alighter and more happier note~!
only 17 days to CNY!
so excited!
am going shopping this weekend with mum and all for CNY...woots!
and! only 13 days to v day...

hmm..
what should i get? -ponders-

first, there's a primary school gathering tmr at heeren.
then i have a presentation on friday at sentosa.
followed by dinner with my girls.
then, chalet next friday and saturday.

and! i have to do my research for contemp issues of h&t.

should get it over and done so i can enjoy myself proper..

holiday

2007-01-16T22:31:00.000+09:00

so i finished my internship since 12th jan.

and then guess what?
of all luck..
my laptop decided to take a long vacation too..

the damn bloody laptop broke down!!
and i couldn't get the lenovo people in seoul cos my cousin was busy.
so she told me to bring it down to busan and get them lenovo people here to repair it for me.

but upon coming here.
my aunt called the lenovo company.
they said that they won't do the repair and ask me to bring it back to singapore and repair it there.

what the hell!?
fine!
they asked for it!

lenovo~
you guys in singapore better watch out!
i am so gonna screw your asses inside-out-upside-down.
better yet.
i give you all a count down date to look forward to.
what for you ask?
so that you all at the call company can prepare what to say to me when i call you up.
better make it good or all hell would break loose.
let's say..27th jan?
in the afternoon then.

oh. you don't work saturdays?
better still.
monday then.
i would have rested enough and have more than sufficient pent up anger to break it all out.

-curses in korean-

anyways.
moving on to a happier topic.
i'm having my holiday!
now at my aunt's house.
so i'm blogging from her place.
most probably won't be updating frequently since it's not my own laptop.
but i'll be taking pictures.
then when i reach home or something
hopefully i'll be able to upload it all up and crap all about it.

things planned for busan:
- prayers atop hill for my grandparents.
- sight seeing.
- family visiting at one of the islands.
- shopping :electrical appliances eg. digital camera.mp3... shoes.perfumes.colognes.skincare.

and!!
lots and lots of eating!!!

but! have to watch it shouldn't i?
don't want me to waste my efforts in losing weight since 4 months aights?

and and and!
i dyed my hair in seoul before coming here.
so contented with the colour can?
i think i look damn pretty.
and with the contacts i got too.
wahahah.
i'm gonna stun all them busan fellas.

till my next update then..
take cares ya'll.

2007-01-05T23:40:00.000+09:00

i so will try to learn tennis when i'm home.

i promise. -crosses fingers-
i will bug and bug my mum for me to learn.

ugly-fied

2007-01-04T23:18:00.000+09:00

it's only another 4 more working days to signify the end of my internship.

man time flies.
i sure bet i'll miss them people here at hilton.

just now while playing pinball on my laptop,
i suddenly realise what has been bothering me so much.
maybe the past couple of days.
or maybe only for the past couple of hours before realisation hit me.

i felt un-beautiful.
hahs.
as cheesy as it may sound.
i think of the girls in korea here.
though dressed in coats and jackets,
you can still see their jeans and heels.
thin legs with skinny fitted jeans to complement their long legs.
and heels to pair them up and make their legs look much more lean.
then i look at my outfit.
jeans.
and running shoes.
why i don't wear them boots that my mum told me to bring here cos after one whole day of standing in heels, i'ld prefer and choose with my eyes closed for comfortable shoes that i can walk properly and not limp.

enough about shoes.

hair.
nicely styled hair that look like they just stepped out of a salon.
pretty curls.
dyed hair.
highlights.
then i look at my reflection in the glass window of the subway,
hair tied back with the chopstick cos during work i have to bun my hair,
and my hair being tied up in the bun for 9 hours, the hair of mine naturally curl ugly-ly.
so what to do but pull it up in a bun to conceal the fact that i'm only doing it because my hair isn't straight enough to let it down as how i like it.

enough about hair.

clothes.
them girls have pretty clothes and though it's freezing assed right now when outside, they can still tolerate the cold and wear a nice tee, short jacket over it and occasionally have a long coat outside the ensemble.
and skirts.
them korean lasses sure do fight with the weather here.
they can tolerate the freezing cold with a black stocking/legging and a denim/tweed skirt over.
no more.
gees. i really 'pei4 fu2' them.

enough about clothes.

now about me.
i feel so out of place.
so odd.
so ugly.
so un-beautiful.

i don't know why i'm even typing this out.
every word i typed just ate away that part of me that's so boldly strong and self-confident.
i hate putting myself down.
i hate comparing myself to others.
i hate being critical of myself.

2006-12-25T20:42:00.000+09:00

had a fabulous celebration of sorts on the 20th of december.
kinda like a quarterly staff party of sorts for front desk.

so we headed to grand hilton for their buffet dinner.
man. it's fabulistic can?
i don't mind bringing my dad there for dinner if he comes over in january.

then after the sumptous dinner we had bowling.
haha.
after so long not bowling, my skills seriously down the drain.
- no pun intended-
so ma-lu la! kena drain so many times.
wahah.

anyways.
this post is dedicated after i read miss woo wenqi's post about otc.
firstly, miss woo!
the videos cannot load up one leys...can check again?

it's probably the first time in maybe almost 2 months that i am thinking back on so much about programme memories. the thought about everyone having fun for otc is seriously cool. that is the best scenario i can hope for anyway. but then realising that i am not there to experience it for myself made me feel so....

empty.
voided.
pitless.
passion-less.
worth-less.

i really should have fought hard in the first place.
i can't understand why i didn't do so in the first place.
reading wenqi said that this year prog is really rocking, just made it worse.
not that it's anything against you wenqi.
but it's just the feeling that came out of it.
i mean.
prog is my life.
i was just thinking about it i think 2 nights ago.
i really should have forced myself in singapore.
after this year, there will be no other opportunities for me to do the same thing that i love to do.

even if i join some uni and get involved in the SU, things would definately be different.
the people.
the feeling.
the environment.
the style.

i realy wanna join the committee.
but how can i go about asking?
i mean, the newbies might find that abit over-board i guess.
you know, like some girl come back and then suddenly get place in the comm without any questions.

and! if i join prog committee, what about the current prog heads?
i want to be involved too.
but i don't know how to go about asking.

shit.
i'm dreading this feeling.
the same feeling that made me think that i regret my decision.

I WANT IN!!
i wanna be in.

if some kind soul out there who happens to read this post,
please let people in the comm know about this.
i really don't know how to go about asking anyone about this matter.
i've been putting this matter off till now.
time is running short.
i'm returning home soon.
i know i wanna be involved.
the sleepless nights.
the endless screaming and shouting.
the numerous laughing, gossiping, chatting, prata-ing sessions i would have.
the late nights showers, even in the boys' room.
the apparently-and-obviously-sleep-deprived-woman is still willing to give up all that to be in the comm.

i don't know how to put it
but i really want it.
i know there's really nothing i can do about it.
except write about it.
i would be so bloody thick-skinned if i asked wouldn't it?

wenqi!
how?

recent discovery after 3 months here.

2006-12-18T21:47:00.000+09:00

my singapore phone which is actually my bro's sony ericsson K601I can actually be used here!!
but if i use it then it'll be superly charged. no point ehs? might as well stick to my korea phone.

and it was all because i wanted to try and transfer photos i have on my korea phone to the singapore one. after turning on the K601I, i waited for the korea phone to turn on and find the pictures and tried to send them over.

but the stupid korean phone needed some certification code or what shit. bah-hum-bug..

then i had to turn off the singapore phone. that was when i realised that i can receive signal. instead of the usual SGP GSM whatever thing you people see back home on your phone, what i see is GUROIMX and Singtel.

ahaha. and to think the stupid phone lady said i can't use it here. what the hell...

but oh wells. not like i'll die if i cant use. i'll just need to crack my brain to find a way somehow to transfer my photos on the phone to the K601I. so i can take pictures with ppl at work with the phone and still be able to save them somehow before i go back to singapore.

anyways. christmas is coming.
been greeting guests upon check out "merry christmas" and i got very positive replies back to me too!!
so happy to see guests leave with a big smile on their faces.
absolutely love it.
which reminds me why i chose this line.

and we also wear some sort of christmas deco on our uniforms.
you know the kind of deco...
i got it! christmas wreath..is that how you spell it anyway?
i swear my spelling and typing skills have de-proved since coming to korea man. ahha.

so back to the wreath.
we wear a miniature version of it above our name tags. (will take a pic of it when i can)
of course. i don't have my name proudly spelt out though i would really much like it to.
i am currently and have been known to guests as trainee.
so some fed-ex captains would make fun of me and say that i have an interesting last name and that many other people share the same family name as me. haha.
so nice people i see at work. (at times)

not gona be working for x'mas eve but for x'mas day.
i think it's a good thing cos many korean people will be checking in on x'mas eve.
even if i worked, i wouldn't be able to help much anyways.

not gona be working on new year's eve too!
but don't know about my schedule from january onwards..
and stupid shit.
i will be starting the afternoon to night shift again from next week onwards.
so stupid la.
i dont want to change shifts now.
cos i like the morning shift seniors.
and i have the super nice supervisor in the morning as well..
and you know what's good?
i can go for coffee or shopping after i finish the morning shift.
that's what good!!
so what if i sleep lesser than when i work the afternoon shift?
i enjoy work better in the morning shift and time seems to fly faster in the morning too.
i start work at 7.
do group allotment till 7 plus or 8.
then do SQ key cos they would be checking in around 0830.
after checking in SQ, i would do the tour group key and breakfast coupons till about 9.
then from 9, i'll start total night audit for the previous day which would be until 1030 or 11.
then after that i slack and stand on watch outside at the front desk helping out the seniors till about 1130 or so before i go for lunch till about 1230 or 1300.
then when i go back up to front desk i would go buy the stamps for the letters and postcards.
then after that i would just slack around till about 1430 helping out and going back into the office to sit down and have a cup of coffee.
because there is the shift hand over briefing from 1420 to about 1440.
after the shift hand over, i would go back into the office and set up the tables for the seniors' cashier closing.

envelopes, staplers, pens.

then when the seniors come in the tally their cashier stuffs, i can just slack around till they're done and then after a short de-briefing by the in-charge, we officially knock off.

and yea!
change and maybe go for coffee or donuts.

so that's a short intro of the morning shift i work.

can't wait for christmas!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

phobias galore

2006-12-10T17:16:00.000+09:00

was bored at home and decided to look up the list of phobias that existed.

then thought about compiling mine since young to now.

here it goes.

when i was young, mum said i had Pediophobia. i didn't believe her of course. because when she told me, i simply loved dolls too much to believe what she said. but now, i've out grown of this phobia and am back to loving dolls like almost every other girl.

then when i attended school,
i thought, how come i can't suffer from Didaskaleinophobia or Scolionophobia. so i would have a valid excuse to not attend school then. ahah.

since young, everytime we ate out, it also had to happen.
then i knew that i suffered from Ailurophobia or Elurophobia or Felinophobia or Galeophobia or Gatophobia. i simply hated them everytime they passed our table or under the chairs. man. eww. even till now.

mum also told me that i had Pharmacophobia when young because everytime i had to, i would scream like there's no tomorrow and my grandpa would be so angry because of me too. but now cos medicine is all in tablets form except for the bloody cough mixture. so i'm all good too.

sometimes, i would suffer from Hemophobia or Hemaphobia or Hematophobia. seeing blood especially in big amounts than just a cut or scratch might send me abit nauseas and feel like fainting. most recent incident? four or five years ago when i had to do a blood test because of the myastimia gravis i suffered then.
seeing two tubes of blood being drawn out of me by the doctor..oh my god.

since secondary school, i realised i suffer from Acrophobia or Altophobia or Hypsiphobia. never really fancied the fact of heights or of that sorts. now, as long as there something for me to hold on to when i'm high up, or i'm in a room, then it's normally ok.

also, i always knew that i had minor Demophobia or Agoraphobia or Enochlophobia or Ochlophobia. i never enjoyed crowded places anyways. prefered the quiet places to crowded ones.

also, i'm abit of a Claustrophobia.

occassionally in secondary school, i would have Glossophobia. occasionally i would suddenly feel scared and frightened. but now, that's out grown too.

Hydrophobia too. whenever we walked into an aquarium, i would feel so insecure and want to just get out of the place asap. didn't like the feeling of all the fishes around me and tanks filled with water.

and then, why can't i suffer from Obesophobia or Pocrescophobia. which would probably be a stupid thing anyways.

so there! that's all the phobias i can think of that i had or have.

Meanings:

- Pediophobia - Fear of dolls.

- Didaskaleinophobiaor Scolionophobia - Fear of going to school.

- Ailurophobia, Elurophobia, Felinophobia, Galeophobia, Gatophobia. - Fear of cats.

- Pharmacophobia - Fear of taking medicine.

- Hemophobia or Hemaphobia or Hematophobia - Fear of blood.

- Acrophobia, Altophobia, Hypsiphobia - Fear of heights.

- Demophobia, Agoraphobia, Enochlophobia, Ochlophobia - Fear of crowds.

- Claustrophobia - Fear of confined spaces.

- Glossophobia - Fear of speaking in public or of trying to speak.

- Hydrophobia - Fear of water.

- Obesophobia, Pocrescophobia - Fear of gaining weight.

2006-12-08T22:30:00.000+09:00

the coming week would signify my third month away from home.

i miss home so much i can't wait to get back home.

but thinking about it,
when i reach home,
i would most probably wish to go overseas.

how ironic.

on a good note.
managed to save money from the second pay since the 13th nov, which was payday.

i'm so proud of myself.

it's a rough S$660.
i should keep it up shouldn't i?

then pamper myself with stuffs i can buy here and back home.

2 more pay...2 more pay...2 more pay...2 more pay...

-grins in delight-

when i came here, kenneth brought me a dairy-sort-of-book that i can use here in korea.

be it to write down my thoughts or be my scheduler or practically what i want it to become.

one of the page i made it into columns and boxes.
and in these boxes, i wrote down at the left side the dates starting from sept 13th (the 1st day of my internship date) till january 13th (the last day of my internship)

at that time,
i thought to myself after drawing those boxes,

'oh my god. so many boxes. how to fill them up?'

then slowly but surely, each day that i worked, i wrote down my shift for that day including my off days so i can keep track of it.

now, it has been 2 and a half months, it is already two-thirds filled up.

and the remaining 2 weeks after that is all gonna be spent on:
- shopping.
- ski-ing.
- snow-boarding.
- shopping.
- hair-dying and curling permanently.
- manicures.
- shopping.

arh...you get the gist of it.

i can't wait to get home!
i miss home!

side thought:
it'll be cool to come home to a party just for me.
like a welcoming-home-party-of-sorts.
friends. family. music. food. the works.

oh did you know did you know did you know?!?!

you guys can send stuffs to me if you address it to Millennium Seoul Hilton?
then put my name and add a "Front Desk" in brackets at the end of my name so the person delivering it would hand it to Front Desk and not to the Concierge/Bell Desk. that way, guarantee-chop-hundred-percent-safely-say-confirmed-sure can get to me.

aha.

the aftermath

2006-11-26T12:17:00.000+09:00

i think what attributed to me hating this place is

1.
i can't behave as myself as when i'm back in singapore. i don't have as much freedom of being myself. of course i understand that in the hotel line, we have to look good.
believe me when i say this, i put on make up everyday despite hating to wear them everyday. to me, it's an obligation. but i dont care because apparently even with all the make up everyday, my skin is still turning out alright.
-fingers crossed-
the point is: i can't be pamela. i have to restraint my actions.my words.mild down my personality for fear that people at work would criticise me for my actions and words if i don't.

i have always thought and believed that i have a super-hyper-and-loud-and-bubbly personality, and for that, i loved myself for. but being here, i am unable to be the self that i have always been. i miss being myself. i miss myself. it may sound crazy but believe me. try being not yourself for 2 months odd, you're gona start missing yourself too.

2.
the ~~fucked~~ up weather. i hate the weather. i hate it when it's bloody windy. heard from the news that it'll rain later today and tmr as well. wth!? it's turning winter mind you! it's supposed to be snowing soon. not rain!!
true the leaves are turning pretty and all.
so what! like i give a ~~god damn~~ care.

3.
i don't understand why i've been feeling this the whole time i'm here. i always thought that i am a person who would embrace changes openly with open arms. someone who wouldn't mind trying out new things or in a new environment because i thought myself to be a strong and independent person who can survive the changes. true i've survived alright. i survived for 2 months odd. but so what? as if i enjoy myself.
then you know what i tell myself sometimes?

so what if you don't enjoy it pam? as long as you survive this. that's the whole point right?

then i think about it again.
and i come to a conclusion.
no.
i have to enjoy what i am doing.
that was how i wanted to live my life.
that was why i chose poly over jc despite knowing my parents wanted me to do jc.
that was why i chose hospitality over other courses that my parents might have wanted me to take.
that was why i joined SU activities despite needing to sacrifice so much time and energy into it.
that was also why i chose OSIP over SIP because i THOUGHT that i would enjoy myself doing OSIP.

yea damn right i am.
i'm bloody enjoying myself now.

~~fuck~~
i hate myself.

an announcement

2006-11-25T21:10:00.000+09:00

almost everyday that i work,
i wish that it was just a dream.

i'm starting to hate the working place.
there are people i really love at work.
but it's the environment that seriously sucks like hell.
i don't know if it's just the environment here in korea or it's the hotel environment on the whole.

everyday i'm trying to cope..
-mind you, i've been doing that since day 1.-
with the language.
with the limits of my working ability.
being away from home and family.
being alone here.
going out alone.
shopping alone.
the freezing-ass-ed weather-that's-becoming-worse-everyday.
going for coffee at dunkin donuts alone.
heading to the market alone.

~~fuck~~
i hate this place.
or rather.
i hate this period.

after being here for 2 months odd.
i've done lots of thinking.

topic 1: hotel line and me.

left brain (lb) says: you really made a wrong decision girl. hotel is not for you. just look at how you dread work almost everyday.

right brain (rb) says: but, you're only thinking this way because you're alone here, the weather's not very good for you, you're having difficulties with the language and understanding. c'mon. you'll get pass it.

lb says: BUT~! so what if you go back to singapore? do you think you would enjoy hotel line back there too? just look at how it is in here already. it would be the same back home.

rb says: please stop brainwashing her! she's doing fine so stop putting her down.

me : -says nothing and tries to shut the voice(s) that's speaking-

rb says: c'mon pam. it's been 2 months odd already. just less than half the time left here and you'll be back home.

lb says: shut up! she should start thinking about her future. hotel line is so not for you. you're obviously not enjoying yourself, so why torture yourself further next time?

rb says: so let her think about it back home! what's your problem?

me : ok! shut up you two!

-silence-

me: -sighs and tells myself that i will be alright but not believing a single word i just told myself.-

topic 2: opportunity costs.

lb says: look pam. you've done so much, given up so much, giving up so much, torturing yourself so much, whatever for pam? you could have just gotten the placement back home. instead, you went ahead with so much trouble to get yourself into this mess. and what for? you're not enjoying and taking in, learning what you could have if you're back home.

rb says: oh boy. here we go again. lb, shut up. pam, listen. you've tried so hard to get this placement on your own and you know how much this means when you go look for a job next time. when people know that you secured it yourself, it would mean alot and it also makes you look independent.

lb says: but so what? when she's told people she secured the placement herself, they don't react as if she's really good and all. it's almost natural that she secured it herself. what's the big deal? everyone else secured the placement themselves too. they had interviews and then got the job. so what?

rb says: ya. but even so, next time when she goes for job interviews, it's gona come out so good on her.

lb says: so? she gave up so much just to come here and what does she get? a few korean words, some nice colleagues, good korean food, not many good looking korean guys, horrible weather, and occasional shopping sprees?

rb says: but it's the exposure that counts you ass! imagine how much she'll learn through this experience.

lb says: ya. when back home she could have 1. been involved with SU. 2. with family and friends. 3. done what she really loves, planning for d&d and camps. 4. go for shopping trips with people she's familiar with, nice colleagues at work.

rb : -nothing to say because it is a fact.-

me : ok. that's it. shut up (again) you two.

ok. that's it.
let me announce that i hereby

regret my decision.

choice of song

2006-11-19T22:21:00.000+09:00

decided to change the song.

i know i've told people..many in fact.
and if huiling can even remember,
i recall telling her this when we're back in secondary school.

i don't like mariah carey.
that is a fact.

if there's any mariah fans out there,
i'm sorry.
i just don't like her.
i know she's went through so much to become who she is today and all.
but still.
whenever i see her on tv,
i can't help it but feel as if she's a slut.

oh i'm sorry.

but why you might ask.
why did i change the song on my blog to one of her songs then.

well.
simple.

i may not like her.
but i do admit that she's a good singer.
very good one.
with quality range.

so there it is.
i don't like her.
but i like her songs.

simple?

my first desire to shop as retail therapy

2006-11-17T17:56:00.000+09:00

today had a fast day at work.

couldn't get to sleep last night even though it was nearing 1.
so me and my cousin decided to pamper ourselves and do beauty masks while lying down.
initially i thought i would be getting a lavender one so at least it would help me sleep better.
but alas, when i opened the pack, it smelt of herbs. mans. i was like eew! but no choice.

but hey! when my cousin helped me put the mask on my face, it felt so nice and cooling.

didn't know that i actually fell asleep after that. heh. and i woke up at 430 to get my butt to work. so it's probably about 2 hours of sleep.

then! after work, i felt like going shopping.
initially wanted to hit Namdaemun. (remember my promise about going back there before the end of november?)
but i thought about how i would be so helpless not being able to talk korean to the stall keepers, i decided against it then.
so i took the subway home and wondered what can i do to ease my itch of shopping.

then i remebered that i went past this shopping mall of sorts while heading to the post office that time. so i kay-poh-ly went to the mall and looked around.

man! there's a whole bunch of accessories to shop there la~
and there's manicure shops too!
(motivates me to leave my nails and get them pampered soon)

so i ended up buying earrings!
(no wonder)

and i got these!

this one is a lady-like-ish design that i thought would be so easy to match because of the variety of colours .

this one is a super simple but nice because the colours complement each other so nicely.

this one is a ballerina that i think's so princess-y. pity they didn't carry it in pink!

and this one is a one sided shopping bag and one sided shoe. i love the colour and the fact that it's simply adorable!!

and i got all these for 30 bucks. they guy selling it gave me discounts and even after the discount, i bargained and he had no choice he sold them to me.

i know it's a bit ex when compared to singapore standards, what's with the 3 pairs for $10 or even $5. but hey!

i dare say the quality here is so much better and it looks so much nicer too!

and it's all designed by the guy himself!! -gasps-
so i think if he went to singapore and set up a shop in like far east or something, i think he will make big bucks.
that's unless stingy singaporeans don't mind the price for that.

so Namdaemun have to wait till this weekend or when my aunt's over and i finish work early then we could go shop again.

goodies.
trinklets.
souvenirs.
nail polishes.

ah!!
so much things to buy and pack it by the end of the month~!

and i got my pay (again) in cash!
spend spend spend!!!

but i gotta try to save save save.
so i can go for holidays.
shopping sprees.
eating marathons.
dvd-renting marathons.
party-ing.

19th birthday

2006-11-16T00:29:00.000+09:00

had a small birthday dinner at home for my birthday.

the surprise was more of when i was at work.

my supervisor, jin-sook went to buy a small cherry-chocolate cake from the hotel deli.
i swear it's super delicious. think of black forest but minus the nasty blueberry that singapore bakeries always put in the cake.

man. i should have taken a picture of it. no worries. i'll buy the cake again then bring back home and take pictures.

so my supervisor went to buy the cake and gave it to me after we have changed shift and the other seniors were tallying their cash floats.

so touched la~

then the 2nd surprise.
well didn't end up a surprise since i expected a something.

kenneth went to order flowers for me and got them send it to me at the hotel~!
so pai seh la~

it was super huge lo!
and super heavy too!

http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8AZuGTZi3ZN2Fw

this links to the photos of the flowers.

and my aunt bought another cake from crown bakery.

i swear. the bakeries in korea uses different flour than in singapore.
all the cakes in korea are super delicious.
swiss rolls.cakes.doughnuts.dunkin donuts.
man.

thanks to everyone who wished me for my birthday!!
on friendster.msn.tagging.

thanks you all!

me and korean looks

2006-11-08T21:29:00.000+09:00

today.
had an outback meal...should be considered dinner i guess.. with my supervisor and another senior, Sun-Young Kim.

the same supervisor i had coffee with the other time, she treated us to outback cos sun-young is leaving front desk to join f&b office from 20th nov onwards.

so i just knew about it,
she's getting married this coming end of march 2007.
she's 25.
she's changing dept cos her bf wanted her to work a more regular timing job than at front office where it's either a super-early-one or a end-uber-late-one.

and!
she's the same senior which i didn't have a good impression with when i just started work at hilton.
which made me feel guilty and re-inforced the phrase : don't judge a book by it's cover.
i came to realise that she's actually UBER nice!
and! she's real pretty too!

talking about photos, i realised that my laptop can take pictures.
so when i'm about to finish up my internship with hilton, i would bring the laptop with me to work and start grabbing people to take pictures with me.
me in the hilton uniform and others too.

-grins-

oh!
today, after alighting at Sillim, i went to top up my fare-card, something like ez-link which you tap upon entering the gate and exiting it.

so i waited in line for my turn.
when it was my turn,
i said hello politely to the guy at the counter (which was an uncle)
and just handed him the card and money for him to do the transaction.
then he went on to speak to me.
asking if i came from busan cos i speak like i came from there.
i was in shock.
i mean how the hell would you be able to tell where i'm from esp since i just learnt to speak the language only when i came here? hahs.

AND! a great achievement today at work!!
firstly, work went by super fast today.
cos we had so many groups to handle today so i was kept busy making keys and issuing breakfast coupons for the groups.

then we had to do some packing of goodie bags for the group from GSTAR.
heard from my senior, Dae-Hwan Noh, that this GSTAR thing is a computer games thingy thing.
so they have some kind of function or seminar here in hilton.

then! after packing the goodies bags with my supervisor jin-sook, i went outside to front desk and see what i could do.
then came along guests to check in.
seeing that my other seniors were busy with other things, i went on to offer help to these guests whom i secretly hoped that they weren't korean cos i can't do korean guests yet.

so they said they're from GSTAR and i went on to find their reservation on Fidelio.
when i did find their reservations, my senior said that he'll take over from there and so i went in to the office to get the goodie bags for them.

then one of my supervisor, Myeong-Jin Kang (who looks absolutely drop dead gorgeous by the way but it's simply too bad cos he's married if not i would so introduce him to some people who might be interested.) told me that he needs my help cos the guests are Chinese nationals and that they're saying something about checking out earlier.

So i had no choice but to flaunt my chinese speaking talent there and then, which i felt is absolutely funny by the way cos i haven't been speaking proper chinese for almost 2 months since.

and so there i was, speaking to 4 guests checking-in in chinese while Myeong-Jin and Dae-Hwan stood next to me and tried to get me to explain stuffs to them.

after getting them checked in and all and the guests being happy and all, i felt so UPLIFTED!

and! it was only when my senior were closing cashier accounts and counting money in the office after changing shifts that i realised i had forgotten to recommend them to shop at Namdaemun!!

i mentioned to the guests that if they needed help to get to nice places to eat or walk around, they can come down to front desk and my colleagues can write down the address in korean for them so that they can show the cab driver. BUT i totally forgot about Namdaemun! HOW COULD I???

-grins-

typical of me?
hahs.
one good day and hopefully more to come.

disappointed

2006-11-07T15:01:00.000+09:00

i had a damn long entry but connection cut off so it's all gone. should have copied and pasted the entry before i tried to post. *shit*

i'll try to type out the same stuffs i did.

my mistake again.

address is actually:

Sillim-dong 1615-15 Jicheung
Guanak-gu, Seoul
151-900

i forgot about the postal code la!

was disappointed yesterday.

cos someone didn't call me.
even after i mentioned that my calling card is running out of value.
even after i missed the call once.
even after i had a long training the whole day.
even when it was late at night
even when i wanted to go to sleep already.
even after i tried looking for the calling card with at least 5 stalls when the weather's bloody cold.

weather.

it became so freaking cold since the day before.
yesterday, when i left home for work, it was so cold that whenever i breathed out of my mouth,
smoke would come out.
and it was raining la!
can imagine? raining when it's supposed to be snowing.
but i heard on the news this morning that it just started snowing in kyong-gi-do, one of the islands in korea.

anyway, while walking to the subway, i felt it to be such an irony.
back in singapore, i thought it would be such a good thing to enjoy winter in korea.
but yesterday while walking,
i felt so cold and scared of the cold.
it was totally different from what i had thought it would be.

so i laughed to myself.
then for fear that people might think i was mad, i tilted the umbrella i was holding forward so that people would not be able to see me laughing to myself.
it was such a sight la.
and i seriously have to get shoes man.

calling cards.

i mentioned just now that i tried looking for calling cards right?
ok.

well, since i came to korea, i was given 4 calling cards. the 4th one was by my dad when he visited korea in october to renew his visa. the 3 were given by my mum and one by my aunt.

so, i've been using calling cards to call back to singapore since coming here and i've always been using this particular card, let's call it "Serome Leaders Yellow" (SLY).
why yellow?
firstly cos it's yellow in colour and because there's another card also by Serome.
now this other card by Serome, let's call it "Serome Leaders Blue" (SLB).
cos it's blue in colour *duh*

now, after using up the 3 SLYs i got from my mum and my aunt, i had to buy another calling card.
so while with my aunt, we went past this stall in one of the subway stations,
near the korean immigration,
cos i needed to do my visa thingy,
we saw that there was a stall selling calling cards.
so my aunt went to ask the guy if there was calling cards
and asked me to take out the SLY to show him.

when he saw the SLY,
he said that he don't have SLY but there's another card which is also by Serome and he took that one out, which is known as SLB.
my aunt then asked him how much was the SLB and he said 12,500W.

in my heart i was like: what? 12,500. don't want la. ex lor!
but my aunt turned to me and gave me a look that translated: so how? getting it?
so i had no choice,
i said ok.

now, let me state the facts and figures of the SLY and SLB.

SLY: costs originally 10,000 but stalls sells it for 9,500. talk time is 221 mins.

SLB: costs 12,500 without discount. talk time is around 160+ mins.

now you see why i want the SLY so much?

i swore that i would never get a SLB anymore after getting cheated by the guy.

so, after getting cheated by the SLB, i looked around stalls for the SLY.
alas, i found a stall that sells them.
and right with convenience too!
the stall is in the subway platform near my house where i would take the subway to work everyday.
so since then, i have bought 2 SLYs from that stall.

now, last week,
my card was getting lower with value
cos i had to make calls cos someone didn't call me,
or should i say
hardly called me and asked me to call back instead.

and also, since last week, i started the morning shift,
which means that i would reach Sillim station around 5.40 am
and because it was so early, the stall doesn't open so early.
and blame me for my laziness too
cos after work i would reach Sillim around 4.45 to 5pm.
but cos where i alight from the subway at Sillim and to the stall,
i had to walk another like 10m or something and cos i was tired after work,
i kept telling myself i'll buy it tmr after work.

so just this week, i decided to not give myself any more excuses
and to stop worrying from not being able to call back when my card has finished value,
i walked to the stall and asked for the SLY.

*re-enactment of the scene when i asked the aunty at the stall for the SLY*

Me: ahn-yeong-ah-sae-yo. Seh-rome card? -starts to rumage through my bag for the SLY to show her-

Aunty: O! op-so-yo. (meaning she doesn't have this SLY) then she starts to take out a container filled with other calling cards except SLYs.

Me: O! Ah..quen-cha-na-yo. (meaning it is ok) Ko-maup-sum-ni-da. (meaning thank you for your time) -starts to turn to leave-

so i was at wits end as to get the SLY that i needed.
then yesterday, after training, i mentioned i asked at least 5 stalls right?
1 at Seoul Station where i take the subway after work,
3 at Sindorim station where i have to get off and change train to take towards Sillim for home.
and 1 more after i exited at Sillim on the way home, which i happened to notice just then.

*re-enactment of scene at the stall just after exiting Sillim*

Me: ahn-yeong-ah-sae-yo. Seh-rome card? -pulls out the SLY for the guy to see-

Guy: O! yi-go Seh-rome card op-so-yo. But where are you from?

Me: -stunned from the fact that he just spoke english to me- Oh, Er, Singapore.

Guy: Oh! -he then starts to talk in english and korean which i don't know how to type out here and explains that he has other cards that can call to singapore and that can talk for 167 mins and then shifts in his seat to reveal a chart on the wall behind him, showing the different countries that the card can call to and the respective different length of time each country can call to.-

Me: Oh! but this card i buy, i can talk for yi-baek-yi-ship-yil (meaning 221) minutes.

Guy: -looks at me surprised- Really? and gestures to see the card closer- How much you buy?

Me: -hands the card to him for closer inspection- Original price man-nen (meaning 10,000W) , but i buy for ku-chen-oh-baek won (meaning 9,500W). and talking is yi-baek-yi-ship yil minutes. so i want the same one.

Guy: Oh! you lucky. Good price. -hands the card back to me after inspection-

Me: -nods in agreement that i had a good bargain- -bows- Ko-maup-sum-ni-da. -bows again- Ahn-yeong-ah-sae-yo. -turns to leave-

Guy: -bows in his seat- Ahn-yeong-ah-sae-yo. See you again. -smiles-

Me: -smiles back- Deh. (meaning yes) See you! -bows and walk away, thinking in heart: damn. korean people. so nice.-

so! i seriously have to find the SLY.
if not, i'll have to get my aunt to help me.

2006-11-04T23:51:00.000+09:00

can't get to sleep when i'm supposed to be..

"what to do after my poly"

that's what's been on my mind recently.

i want to study.
but fees are expensive, locally in s'pore and overseas.
but overseas' options are better cos there's more choices.

i want to work.
i love the feeling of being of service to people and making them happy and contented.
it makes me happy to see them happy.
i want to try out the different working areas that i can venture into.
restaurants.bars.clubs.hotels.airlines.cruise.

i want to learn salsa and finish it.
i want to learn singing professionally.
i want to continue my choir passion.
there's so many things i wanna do but i have to make up my mind soon don't i?

i want to travel the world.
i want to see sights that are absolutely beautiful.
i want someone to share these with me.

i have goals in mind that i wish i can stick to attaining them.
goals that are not based solely on my decisions.
goals that are altered with each step i take and each decision i make.
goals that maybe my parents think i must be mad to take.
goals that my parents would think i'm too fast to think about.

ladies and gentlemen, i think we all can guess what it is now don't we?
marriage.

but first, let's settle the education and career first shall we?

initially i thought i would want nothing else than to work in korea.
but after coming here and facing the problems that i had faced,
i'm apprehensive about my choice.

it's not about coming here for internship or not.
but my decision of going into the hotel line so fast.
i know i've always been telling friends that i see myself working in a hotel in the future as a stable and fixed job.
but now, i'm having doubts about my decision.
i'm having doubts if this is even the right job for me.
i always had the illusion that when i finish my poly, i would want to work.
education was a second option for me, then.
now, the question of education is right before me.
should i or shouldn't i?
i want more for myself but wouldn't i be selfish if i did take it up?
it's gona be another 2-3 years of study.
and if i do study, its most probably gona be overseas.

overseas.
life overseas is good.
maybe because i'm staying with my cousins.
and not some foreign person who i can't communicate with.
but i miss home.
i confess i'm not someone who can stay away from home long.
local uni don't offer the varied choices that i can get overseas.
then again, why do i wana study uni?

for the certificate?
for the sake of studying?
for making my parents feel relieved?
for myself?
for the better pay that comes with the certificate?

i hate this feeling.
the feeling of coming to a closure soon.
but not knowing where i'm going to proceed on after this lapse.
the feeling of not having a decision already about what i will do after this lapse.

i had this feeling when i was deciding for my internship.
but the decision was quick and easy and decisive which didn't leave me any time to think about it anymore.
but now,
i feel lost and i hate the feeling.
i feel like a bouy in the ocean with no anchor and not seeing any land or ship.
it's just an open endless ocean that i'm seeing.

i hate this feeling.

first coffee with colleagues

2006-11-02T20:32:00.000+09:00

today.
i had my first coffee-session with colleagues after work.

was with one of my supervisor, cho jin-sook, and three other seniors, e.h.song, h.k.yeo and a girl from the business center who i don't know her name. -grins-

c'mon la. it's korean names la. i have difficulty trying to remember all the front desk staff's name cos i always see their initials only, hardly call them by their names cos to me, they're either soon-bae-nim (senior), dae-rim-nim (supervisor) or kwa-jang-nim(chief supervisor).

but by the end of my internship, i will remember their names by heart and take photos with each and everyone of them. at least i hope so..

anyways. jin-sook dae-rim-nim invited me for coffee after work when we've changed out of our uniforms and heading to the exit. so we headed to starbucks near workplace and had coffee.

i feel so...bonded after the coffee.

seriously, i miss the coffee sessions i had at coffee bean with my darlings, starbucks with kenneth, tcc-ing with friends and all..

will remember to buy them drinks the next time when at work.
like canned coffee or juice or something...

i'm confused. and so is my body.

2006-11-01T19:37:00.000+09:00

so it's hell time.
i've just started the morning shift today.
and it'll continue to the mid of november.
and the best news?
i will be skipping from 2 shifts.
the 7am to 3.30pm and the 10am to 7pm shift.

so tell me how am i supposed to sleep pleasantly and wake up for work properly without looking like some sleep deprived woman?

thankfully, i hope it'll only be 2 weeks, so after that i'll revert back to my 2pm to 10pm shift which i am so happy with by the way that i don't mind sticking to until the end of my internship.

but!! i love working in the 7am to3.30pm shift too! there's new things to learn and also! after work, i can either chill with my colleagues or head for some retail therapy before going home to have dinner and then fall asleep.

how?

anyways, that aside..

wanted to blog ytd about shopping at Namdaemun Market.

i had a FABULOUS time shopping at Namdaemun Market!!!!
i so So SOSOSO have to go back there by the end of november AND again before i fly back home.

why end of november? cos i plan to buy lotsa stuffs by the end of november, then ship the things back to singapore cos express delivery would be expensive and i foresee myself having a heavy luggage when i go back to singapore.

so a cheap alternative to that? ship things back to singapore about 1 1/2 to 2 months before i return home so that by the time i reach back to singapore, i would have the shipment at home.

i got like 2 long sleeve tops to wear for the cold season, 2 inner wear which is a.k.a. camisoles to me, 2 pairs of ear studs so that i can wear them at work, and 100 packs of something which would contribute towards chinese new year. HAH!! i can't believe i'm shopping for chinese new year now when it's just beginning of winter here. such a joke. but i seriously like the idea of the thing i have for chinese new year ley!!!

so! i have yet to buy bags bags bags and shoes!

with the shipment back to singapore, i hope to put in shoes or clothes that i can wear in singapore but inappropriate for winter here. so it saves me luggage space.

AND!! my aunt so nicely told me that when i go off, i can leave all my winter clothes here then she'll ship it back to singapore for me so that i don't have to lug the winter wear back to singapore and waste my luggage space. SO NICE RIGHT?!?! i am so touched la.

this way, it gives me excuse to but more stuffs and fill up the luggage of mine too!!! -grins-

so, i will start looking out for things that i can buy and send back to singapore this end of november. maybe all the small gifts that i can give to friends and family can be bought and shipped back. IDEA huh?!?! ok. i will start looking out. NAMDAEMUN i will come again!!!

i miss my baby.

random want

2006-10-23T00:44:00.000+09:00

i suddenly have the strong urge to go clubbing.

i have only done it once.
but i miss doing it!
i can't..or rather i'ld rather not try clubbing here in seoul..
no one i'm really close with to go clubbing..
cousin's pretty all grown up..
not familiar with the place and language see?

man. i'm missing out on so much things to do that i could with colleagues.
dinners. drinks. hanging out. chilling out.

i would so do that if i was back home.
imagine..

having drinks with colleagues after work.
clubbing on a random particular weekend.

ok fine.
random entry anyways.
i don't really miss clubbing.
i just miss home.
i miss the people.
i miss the place.
i miss the singapore air.
yes. i swear the air here is different.

and oh! i just realised that my address here is actually

Sillim-dong 1615-15 Jicheung
Guanak-gu, Seoul

and not

Sillim-dong 1615 Jicheung
Guanak-gu, Seoul

so people, i would expect some kind of parcel or post for me sometime soon aiye?
my birthday's coming in like 22 days and counting.

and oh! it's cheaper to send me things if you collate stuffs and send it to me together too!
that way, you all get to save on mail fare!!
just remember to send it to the right address now.

-grins-

nights y'all!

long delayed post

2006-10-20T01:40:00.000+09:00

haven't been updating this blog of mine cos of certain reasons.

1) i didn't wana blog about how sucky i feel during work (more on that later)
2) i didn't wana blog about the arguement that me and kenneth had (details on that also later)
3) the whole accumulation of emotions would be so over whelming that i would probably start cursing at myself and regretting my decision to come korea. (yet again)

so firstly, work.

i felt probably the second worse feeling i had since staring work last week because i had to work E shift for 2 days because of my dad. he had to make a trip to korea to renew his visa so because of him, i had to change my usual work timing to an earlier time so that at least i didn't wake up at freaking 4 am to get to work at 6.
so i placed work for E shift which was from 9am to 6pm, the usual 'office hours'. so because of this out-of-ordinary schedule for two days, i felt so drained from the previous day's work cos i normally end at 10. which means i reach home around 11 odd.
which also means i only start to get sleepy around 2 or 3am cos i can sleep in till about 1030 before leaving home.
but because i didn't have a break of one day rest before doing the 9 to 6 shift, i couldn't sleep, then i woke up at 6 the next morning, or rather, that same morning and got my butt to work.

alas, at work, i had to endure 2 freaking days of seeing this senior of mine which made my mornings and afternoons so freaking annoying.

it's ok if you don't wana talk to me you know.
but you could just stick to not speaking to me, AT ALL rather than speak only a few words to me and not being polite to me AT ALL.

it pisses me off.
i'm sorry.

oh hold on.
why am i apologising anyway?
i am not sorry at all. that's how i feel. that's how i am.
i am usually a very controlled person at work. i've been handling the language barrier thing quite well this month or so here. i'm being very polite and couteous with my actions and words because that's how the others behave so i figured i had to conform to the culture's norms of the hotel.
but seeing and feeling how that senior of mine actually treated me, just makes it so annoying.

so anyway i've came to a conclusion about work.
i would only work B shift which is the usual 2 to 10pm because i feel better working that shift cos i'm more familiar with the people in that shift.

and we all know that when you feel more confortable, you feel better.
and when you feel better, you work better.
and when you work better, you feel more accomplished.
and when you feel more accomplished, you forget about stuffs that makes you unhappy.

so that's what i intend to do for the coming time here in korea.
but alas
(why does there always have to be a big BUT after getting a good conclusion or solution?)
anyway i heard from one of my colleague that i might have to do the morning shift next month onwards because 3 trainees are ending their internship already. god help me.
i'll try to talk to my supervisor and see how we can arrange the schedule. -fingers crosssed-

next, kenneth.

for the last week and even maybe for the previous one, we hadn't been talking much. phone or msn. cos he's busy with work already and my internship is also taking up my time. felt the accumulation of emotions in me but i didn't voice out anything.

this is me.
although it's vital that i tell about how i felt, i just hate asking and getting things from people or asking people to do things for me.
maybe that's why i put in so much for projects (SU ones) and meetings.
i hate turning people down or asking favours from people.
not that i'm a snob or anything but when i can do it myself,
why do i have to trouble people right?

anyways, so we had an argument on msn. but it's ok already. we sorted it out.

lastly the whole accumulation of emotions ended up with me regretting my decision to come korea.
at times i really do ponder and wonder to myself if coming here was a good choice.

-curses to self-
see my point people? i repeat myself and it's almost like i hate it here.
in fact i don't.
it's only the few people that makes this experience here so incompleted and beautiful.
but apart from the few odd sheep, all’s really good for me.
in fact i love it here and i can't wait to finish up my internship in the hotel.
because it would mean and symbolise that i've achieved something which i thought was unattainable because the thought of it initially was unfeasible and all.

anyways. i figured that since i'm feeling down, i should have some good rhythm music to keep me high.
this song Summer Jam by Craig David & Artful Dodger is rocking good. though it sounds abit like techno(I HEREBY PROCLAIM THAT I AM NO TECHNO FAN), but i think it's good.
so this song's also in my mp3.

talking about mp3, one of my colleague was telling me that day she got this mp3 for like 30 -50K won. it's probably around S$50-80. it's really small sized and very compact. so people i forgot about how much an mp3 costs back in singapore already.
so is it reasonable? was thinking of getting it for my bro or something.
then i would probably mail it back with other things for my mum and sis too.

so can someone please tell me if the price is reasonable?
i would ask my colleague where she got the mp3 player from tmr when i'm going for work.

by the way i've changed skin.
but the picture is too small for my liking though.

work

2006-09-28T15:54:00.000+09:00

today's off day again. aunt is coming tmr then we'll go to the seoul immigration office tmr again and get my application done. hopefully this time i will be able to get it done without any more difficulties.

work has been going great. i feel accomplished. i got my own id and password to access fidelio now. so i can do guest check in by myself. feels so good to be able to do things on myself. i mean though it's good that i have the senior staffs helping me and all, but on the other hand, being able to do check in by myself makes me feel more worth in the company. the past 2 weeks all the other senior staffs have been doing the check in and i've been doing the small jobs here and there. not that it's not good because i'm also learning from these small jobs..but it just being asked to do the menial jobs and then most of the time not being able to help guests out makes me feel useless at front desk la.

i can't speak and understand korean, which makes it even worse because travel agents are koreans. i can speak english very well but the guests are all 'snatched' away by the other staffs. its frustrating when it happens la. i love interacting with guests. i just don't like being 'left aside' by the seniors when they're busy doing things. i know they're skilled but if you don't give me a chance to try out then how would i be able to learn then? does it make sense anyway? i think i'm blabbering la. sorry la. been feeling damn pent-up for the past 2 weeks.

i know i've told people i love the place here and the people are nice. they really are. but it's a different story when it comes to working time at the front desk. it's as if they 'kan ni bu zai yan li' meaning they don't see you in their eyes. like i'm some wall flower or something. a very big wall flower in fact.

ytd one of my senior told me that if i want to stand at front desk, i should stand nearer to the counter and not stand behind just in front of the wall. cos it makes me look as if i'm not ready to serve customers. when he said that i felt so.....demoralised.unjustified.fuming mad.

wanna know why i stood nearer to the wall than at the counter? because everytime i stand at the counter, surely-guarantee-definately-chop that suddenly have many people come to the side that i'm standing and take things ar, talk to some other staff ar, which makes me feel as if i'm blocking their way la. i don't do things without a reason la. it's not as if i love standing behind and not at the counter la. i love interacting with guests. but if everytime i stand at the counter then some people come and need to take something and i always feel as if i'm blocking their way i won't be so bloody brainless and still continue standing there la.

damn annoying la. blogging about it now makes me more frustrated only. was feeling rather ok when i was talking to kenneth just now in the afternoon. now i feel frustrated. -shish-

and oh! i'll be having a long break next week from 3rd oct to 7th oct. will be heading back to busan for the thanksgiving celebrations. didn't i tell you the staffs are nice? see my point? it is so ironic.

i'll be eating lots of korean authentic home cooked food. seeing all my relatives. recieving lots of 'ang baos' according to my fellow intership friends.

if there's wireless back there i'll bring my laptop there to blog too. and of course talk online with friends. msn. webcamming.

- missing crystal jade's la mian & xiao long bao.
- missing sakae sushi's buffet.
- missing pastamania's aglio olio.
- missing ya kun's coffee.
- missing subway's cold cut trio.
- missing tcc's mongolian chicken chop.

- i want to be myself. i want to behave as if i'm in singapore. but the culture here is still so untapped although fashion and technology is so updated. it is so interesting isn't it? -

korea

2006-09-20T23:21:00.000+09:00

been 15 days since i blogged.

been 10 days since i left home.

haven't been able to blog because of internet connection at home. the wired internet doesn't fit my laptop so my cousin needed to call the company to set up the wireless for us. then they cant just come every other day because there shoudl be someone who can speak korean at home to ask the serviceman stuffs and what-nots. so the guy only came today.

weather's really nice in korea with the mornings and nights having an average temp of about 13-15C. so it's super cooling.-better than singapore anyways-. afternoons are hot because of the sun. but because of the always existent wind, it is so So SO SO much better than singapore.

food is nice here. haven't been eating out much because normally eating at home or lunch or dinners. but when i'm off, my cousin brings me around to walk and look see at shops and have outside food. man i miss the food in korea. i have to eat like everything i can think of here b4 i go back.

the subway here is extremely fast. it takes me like half an hour to work..like fastest. i am so amazed at the speed of the subway.

where i'm settling down is my cousin's humble abode. small place but big enough for 3 girls to stay. its not like we have parties every other day and so we need more space. according to my dad, the rent's cheap so what can i say? live with it!

people here are extremely nice. so bloody polite. i am so addicted to the culture at work..you know like bowing to people or guests while greeting them, i bought the whole culture back home and my cousin was saying how come i keep bowing and stuffs like that. then i say because i work in hotel so i'm used to it. she laughed it off.

miss home terribly.was such a terrible time to cope with missing home and everyone back home. i am still missing home though. i cried like for three nights before i could go to sleep. horrible time to go through.

anyways i'm going to sleep. blog again soon.

yet socialising

2006-09-05T03:19:00.000+09:00

back again from socialising.

had lunch with wenqi and terence at billy bombers. so that's one more place off my list.
then went to walk around with them to look for belts and shoes for me and also kept an eye out for terence's slippers. hahs. had such a fun time with them. laughing at people. laughing at myself. laughing at us. laughing at the things we saw. great time with you guys man. gotta do it again when i'm back ok?

dinner with fen and k.c. went to east coast for jap..but alota people so we walked on to have a drink at gelare before walking around somemore to finally settle at this irish eating place just by the beach. really nice place ya. would probably bring kenneth there when i'm back or something. their fisherman's pie is HUGE! i had a wonderful time trying to finish it. really *thumbs-up*. then went to lau pa sat for dessert but couldn't squeeze in any more food so we settled for some kinda oolong tea that's good for our digestion. lols. i actually think it is helping in digestion cos i'm feeling less 'zhang' than just now. hees.

kenneth called when k.c was sending me home on the road from clementi to ngee ann poly that stretch of road. said some things which left me confused. k.c. kinda got the vibe i guess cos he asked if things were alright. and said that if things were meant to be then it would be. also said that he believes that i'm strong enough to handle emotions. the 5 months apart is not that bad when compared to others'.

things alright? i guess..-shrugs- i mean how bad can it get right? darling was making a fuss about the meeting and why i shouldn't go for it. like if it affects my life after the meeting then i should go for it. if not, why go for it if the conclusion is not gona affect me. c'mon. what kinda question la. i mean, i am not a kind of person who would desert my interest, or in this sense, my group when it comes to these crucial stuffs la. people whom i worked with for dnd and foc can attest to that fact.

yes i admit i do put in alot of effort to meetings and stuffs. but that's only because i love what i'm doing and that i care for what will happen in the future with regards to the organisation that's why i am concerned and going for the meeting. oh sure. i could always just msg them and say i'm sick or something. but then i'll be pricked by my conscience la. i mean, this kinda thing is not as if i have already made plans for the day you see? if there was lunch appointments which i cannot postpone or change date or time then ok. i would still try to make my ass to the appoinment after i'm done with the meeting. that's my priority. i feel that if my friends are understanding enough, they would know the situation and try their best to suit to an alternative rather than make a huge fuss and all.. ok fine. maybe i'm going too far in this but still, i just had to write it out la.

and my brother surprised me just now when after putting down the phone with kenneth, he told me something along the lines of:

kenneth is not understanding enough. my brother understand that kenneth wants to spend more time with me, but when i have last minute important matters, it should come first priority. and if kenneth is really sincere about it, then he can always make time to meet me in the morning and after my meeting. and if he is REALLY sincere, he should wait for my meeting to end by waiting for me to end at the venue of the meeting.

my gosh.i was surprised at my brother's remark. cos he's normally the kind that will just keep quiet when he hears i am on the phone with kenneth and when i'm arguing with kenneth on the phone, he would see if i'm alright but not say anything to me after or during the call.

oh well..all is part of life and growing up. i have to go through these..in order to proceed further into the relationship. it's all a matter of understanding and tolerance that is important i guess.

i know that you have been through what i am going through.
i also know that you now know what janice went through.
but do you understand what she went through?
do you really understand?
if you did, then shouldn't you be empathising with me?
i feel that only when you do, then would you be able to understand.
then would you be able to accept what i am going through now.
true i don't have all the time in the world.
true i can't delay my flight.
true i still want to spend more time with you.
but do you think it is really possible to do all these?
there is a limit to certain things.
and these limits cannot be made or adjusted just because i want it to be so.
if i could
i would make each day last 48 hours.
i would make you take leave each day till monday.
i would make you come with me to korea.
i would make my meeting to be on wed in the afternoon.
hell i would even make the meeting be non-existent.
i would stay in singapore for my internship.
but i choose to go korea. it's all a matter of choice.
so what would you choose?
to stay pissed with me for the week when i have 7 days left?
or to make good use of the time we have left to explore nice places to eat?
me?
i choose the latter.

but as the saying goes: it takes two to clap.
so what's your choice?

friends and socialising

2006-09-02T03:24:00.000+09:00

had a wonderful and eventful day today..thanks to friends i met up with.

huiling and fen: thanks for taking time out to spend with me. appreciate it lots. hope you girls had fun hanging out at breeze with the group of us crazy people. now you understand how i've become huh...lols.

jeff and joyce: thanks for setting aside time to meet up with me and kenneth..and yes i know we were super duper ultra uber late. i am normally not late for appointments but today is horrible. coffee on me when i'm back ok?

christine eugene narveen: thanks for the lovely company at breeze and newton. had lotsa fun hanging out with you guys. gota do it when im back and when everyone's free..but by that time, uncle tan would probably be off studying alr..oh wells. still coffee or drinks can't do harm..

ken darling: your social butterfly princess needs a rest tonight. she's been exhausted from today's outing(s). and i still have sentosa tmr.my gosh. but then again...night would be pretty nice..i hope.. but back to the main thing. thanks for escorting me for these outings. -hahs.sound like some paid service thing- hope you liked the gift loads. i know it wasn't much of a good pressie cos firstly it was delayed..secondly, i kinda gave away the dvd part.. but then again you said it was a surprise..honestly...and...i believe you.

alright.

social butterfly off to sleep..

2006-08-28T02:24:00.000+09:00

mum got me new specs! and its like uber chio la. says make me look more korean..like i needed any help in that department.i mean with small eyes..who can miss that fact..

mum also brought me to lunch at coca on saturday..feel so fulfilled.everytime after coca i'll feel that way..

exam for ob is over. think i'll do pretty ok..exam for dpd not yet..this wed..will be hell..confirm guarantee chop.oh wells.i seriously do not want a supp paper for any subject.will work my ass off hard for dpd.

people are getting appoinments with me alr.good? cos i'll be able to fill out my days.then i could set other days aside for mum, sis and bro.

i still got things to do.

shopping.
meeting with friends.
dinner-ing.
lunch-ing.
chalet-ing.
drink-ing.
club-ing.

mans.how to finish all these in two weeks?

having paper on wed.
then t10 gathering after paper.
MAYBE drinks with ken's friends at wala at night.
dinner with my girls on 1st.
chalet on 2nd to 3rd.
dental on 4th.
lunch with ter and wenqi after dental.
wah lau gang dinner on 6th.
dnd comm dinner on 10th.
flying off on 11th for 8am flight.

-ok i admit. i'm scared. i'm scared of leaving. scared of changes.

i'm worried about how i would be in korea for 5 months w/o seeing my mum. i sure would miss her. i know i don't say that to her but i would definately miss seeing her. and her cooking.

i'm reluctant to leave darling behind. 5 months. let's not even mention 5 months. a mere week is already a torture for me. how would 5 months turn out to be? and what might happen in between it all is all heaven's will i believe.

i'm worried my absence would make it difficult to maintain relations with family, friends and people i care about. then returning back and having to make that re-connection. not everyone is up to it. maybe because people have new things to do. have other aspects of life to care about.

i know this would be a good experience and exposure. but i sometimes do stop and ask myself if it is really worth it? spending money, separating from people, giving up on certain aspects of my life which could have been fulfilled if i was staying in s'pore.

i know i can't actually have the best of both worlds. or in this case, the best of two options. but couldn't there be a better compromise? and if i should decide to stay and work in korea for good, then what would become of my ties back here? i feel too deeply to people. people i care about, people i love. this i know. sometimes i feel it is bad to do so. but in my opinion, how can one feel properly if one does not feel deeply?

bah. i'm blabbering.

thoughts

2006-08-16T12:33:00.000+09:00

was on the train in the morning to school. was packed like sardines but still..that's not the main point.

thing is, i started 're-living' the memories i had..thoughts of with kenneth, of programme comm last year, of friends, of school...basically of everthing.

kenneth:

darling. thanks so much for being with me these 9 months.thanks for being here to support me.motivate me.encourage me.console me.love me. basically adorn me with your love. you have no idea how much this means to me. 'this' refers to both things. you being there for me to lean on and rest my head on your shoulders when i'm feeling down or weary and also the relationship. i'm taking it very seriously and would want to spend my life with you. i can't actually see it forming but i would wanna try it.

programme:

babies. it just struck me how much you guys really have grown from day 1 when me and clifton and saf took you guys in for interviews to the day when FOC was over. knowing that you all have learnt something and found it educational is fulfilling..on my part. being able to make that impact with you all also made it worthwhile. i am thankful for having you guys in programme because i feel that this time, the bond we all share is just fantastic. chemistry and all that. thanks or letting me have the chance to know you better and make that wish of mine come true.

friends:

huiling,fen,yiling - thanks for being there for me these years. i know we haven't been meeting up much these months but i believe that our relationship goes far beyond just meeting up and catching up. i believe we share a certain connectivity with each other that makes this friendship we share so special and unique.

to everyone i know - thanks for all the ways which you guys have made me grown to become. i am proud of who i am and i believe that it is only possible for me to attain this when i have friends around who are concerned about me. i believe that what i have been through is all for a reason and that i take these into lesson and accept it as part of my growing and learning journey called "life".

school:

i am proud to be a third year student. however, i really enjoy schooling and do not wish to complete it so soon. i'll be leaving in less than a month and graduating in about 7 months? oh god. its just too fast. i am still unsure of what i wanna do after i graduate. im not sure if i wanna get a degree..and if i do, in what area. however, i do know that i would seriously consider staying in korea if hilton does offer me a job upon completion of my internship with them.

from then on, everything else just becomes a blur to me.

for now, i'll just enjoy myself before i fly.
so people, please let me know when we could meet up?

..damn you national service..

2006-08-10T20:08:00.000+09:00

ar.

crap.

just got news that boyfriend is going for attachment..like next week or the week after?

frankly i don't care which week it is gonna be.
most importantly is he's going to be on attachment.
which basically equates everything to :

- no phone calls.
- no meeting up through out the week.
- no one to motivate me for exams.
- no celebration for him.
- no time spent with him.

is this CRAP or CRAP?!?!

-shakes head in frustration and tries to diffuse my anger to the room by screaming mentally-

yes.i just used the word 'diffuse' and i mentally screamed to the room without making noises.

i hereby proclaim that i have officially turned mad.

~~damn you national service. damn you.~~

and here i was thinking that i would be able to do shopping with him.~~fuck~~ so much for wishful thinking huh!

i am tired.
tired of the visa thing which i have not done.
tired to think of my absence in singapore.
tired to think of my departure to korea.
tired of waiting and then...
tired of ending up disappointed.
tired of holding back my tears.

i am drained.i feel drained.i am emotionally drained.i am mentally drained.

have exams in 15 and 20 days.
have not gotten down to studying.
have a french speaking test in 6 days.
have a 6 hour flight to catch in 32 days.
have friends i have yet to meet up with.
have things i wanna do before i leave.
have......

oh bloody hell.

was actually thinking alot about SU and me giving up running for it.
then came this news and then i'm not thinking about SU that much anymore.

~~oh for fuck sake~~ am i putting myself down?
-cries to my laptop-

yes.i have been emotionally unstable these couple of weeks. i think i actually try to hide it when i'm in school. emotionally unstable to the point where i released the faucet a number of times already.

no one i can talk to.
no..make that no one i would want to trouble with my problems.

Overseas Student Internship Programme

2006-08-03T12:19:00.000+09:00

yes i know.

haven't blogged much.

didn't have the motivation to anyway.

time flew past so fast.

its 22 days to my first paper for exams.

my OSIP is confirmed.definately.subsidee for air ticket also confirmed.only i don't know much GENEROUS the school is.but let's hope for a full subsidee?!?-grins-

gota get my visa done.will go get it applied next week.when things are slowing done.

projects are over and done with. presentations are almost halfway through.

NO MORE KILLER SHOES!!

in prep for my trip, i came up with a shopping list. got some stuffs alr. mum said to buy everything else when im over in korea. said there's no point bringing so many things.might as well get it when im there. AND she said it COULD be cheaper there anyways. -grins-

now that statement is SO unlikely of my mum.but yar...if that's the case..getting the clothes there..then i suppose she would be giving me money to buy the clothes la!! -assumption-

anyway. will update my wishlist..but as said, already got some stuffs.

SO can people start making appointments with me before i LEAVE!?!?

up-to-this-point-in-time, i only know that i'm definately leaving on the 11th of September. - ooo-kay..i know that the date and all is just 'oh-my-goodnessly-dangerous-because-of-september-eleven-but-who-really-cares-because-the-school-is-subsidising-my-fare'

the flight details are not out yet.BUT i'll post it up here once i have the details.

*missing-my-baby*

much on my mind

2006-05-04T09:33:00.000+09:00

i am so freaking worried about my Overseas Student Internship Program placement.

bawled my eyes out ytd.
felt the stress coming to me.
couldn't help it but just break down.
it was a mistake.
huge one.
didn't feel any better even after i cried to myself in the shower.

i'm expected to do the liasing all by myself.
the school wouldn't be subsidising anything for me because i'm self-sourcing.
i'm also liable for my own self and the school will not hold any responsibilities.
i don't know where to start.
there's so many issues that is important cos would need to talk it out with the hotel.
i.e. visa.accommodation.meals.allowance/pay.employment letter.air flights.training programme.

-normal visa is only for three months but my intern there would be spanning over 5 months.would need to talk to embassy about it.
-accommodation is a problem because the only person i could have approached is my cousin in korea but i'm not close to her.have to talk to hotel about this matter.see if they're able to either subsidise my 'rent' fee or allow me to stay in their hotel.
-school recommends $500 for our internship.but in this case cos i'm doing self source am i able to get a higher pay?but if the hotel is either sponsoring part of or my 'rent' or allow me to stay in their hotel then do i tell them that school recommends $500 or is it ok to lower because they're settling my accommodation?
-air flights. on paper, our intern starts at 13 Sept and ends at 26 Jan. but do i leave earlier?or does it mean that i fly there only on the 13 Sept? and as you know,air flights aren't that all cheap.

was thinking since ytd if doing all these is worthwhile.i mean i'm seriously spending alot of time and effort and going to spend alot of money on this OSIP placement.

boyfriend thinks i'm thinking too much. says i should be doing things and not just think.
this is not the point and i also know that doing things is more effective than thinking and worrying. but when it's nearing mid-night, i wouldn't think that the HR manager would still be in the hotel just because he had a premonition that someone from singapore would call. i.e. ME

i'm a pent-up girl right now.even now.since last night.can you imagine?

go put your record on

2006-05-01T20:41:00.000+09:00

yes. it is a RANDOM title i agree. it's only because i'm listening to corrine bailey rae's song that's why.

so it has been a week since school re-opened.

I am:

a) stressed about my Attachment Placement.
b) fretting about my essay for tutorial 1 for Biz Enterprise.
c) enjoying my life with kenneth.

guess which one applies to me?

let me tell you the answer. it's all of the above.

anyways.went to Breeze yesterday with Kenneth and Eugene. great place with great ambience i say. would probably head back there one day.

FOC withdrawal symptoms

2006-04-16T16:56:00.000+09:00

and so finally..FOC is finally over.

come to think of it, those months of planning just for 6 days of enjoyment for the freshies..is totally worth it. even if it means losing my voice or sleepless nights etc.

the time spent with the committee has just been a wonderful blast. now i kinda regret not running last year for SU. then again, after the FOC, i'm very tempted to try running for union. lols. i can SO hear kenneth's reacton to this. lols. he'll complain tt i'm spending too much time doing union matters. and since this year i'm just a sub-com for union but i'm involved in two major projects, mainly and D&D and FOC.

anyways, spent the night over at kenneth's place cos his parents were okay with it. and i am actually very thankful that i'm not staying one more night in school. after 6 sleepless nights on the SO uncomfortable sofa, hard wooden floor, roller-chair, i am so grateful to be on the bed at least. lack of space in the students' lounge=harsh sleeping circumstances.

back to the point, FOC rocks my socks. even the FOW is such a blast even with the International Students coming and joining us. i really have to say the this year's committee is the best so far. don't think that i'm saying this just because i'm in the committee. i'm saying it cos it is true. with the big mix of experienced people in the committee, life with them for the past 6 days and 5 nights have truly been a pleasure.

big shout-outs before i end this post:

- Main Comm for FOC 06/07: working with you guys has been a pleasure. i have learnt many things from everyone in the committee and i would bring whatever i've learnt with me to either the next FOC and even into my life.

- Prog Comm for FOC 06/07: my babies. words can't describe what mummy wanna say. i appreciate all of your hard work that you've put in. i know that Clifton and I (Tom's grammer correction) have done lots to push and give you guys a hard time. but credit does goes to you guys because if it weren't for your own hard work, you wouldn't have improved on your own right? -grins and starts cheering the bumblebee cheer- .....i.......see my baby bumblebee. i see my baby bumblebee. mummy mummy come and see. i see my baby bumblebee. anyways, we so have to meet up soon okay? the certs are still not given out and you guys have yet to recieve the present from Clifton and I.

-ponders-

still i think that Union is my life. i'm tempted to run for union.

off to camp!

2006-04-09T14:04:00.000+09:00

camp!

again!

this time, it's FOR REAL! we're expecting lotsa freshmen this time round too!

omg! omg! i seriously can't wait!!!

-jumps up and down in front of the computer-

hahs. but of course, since this camp's gona be straight-on meaning there's no break between them, i'm so definately gona be drained and beat out. i can foresee that fact.

-jumps up and down again-

freshmen! watch out for us!! cos FOC will rock start your stay in tp.

dinner & dance

2006-03-29T14:28:00.000+09:00

mans. its been eons since i blogged.

seriously, i've no time to blog, i've no mood to blog, and i've nothing NEW to blog about either.

everyday it's all about dnd and foc. i swear. it's taking up my life. but in a way, i would prefer it did take my life anyways cos i'll feel so wierd if i'm not doing things. -oh pam, you're not making sense here.-

anyways, the time now is 1.31pm. i'm in school. eating lunch alone while waiting for andrew to complete video editing then at 3pm we'll head to pan pac together. the others left already.bringing all the stuffs with them too.oh wells.

schedule for pam:
- leave school at 3pm with andrew.
- rmb to buy packed food for sub coms/performers etc when reach hotel.
- hair appt at chapter 2 marina square at 4pm.
- get ready to see/recieve/welcome people at reception desk by 5.30pm.
- start administration stuffs at reception around 6.30pm.
- d&d starts with a great bang.
- everyone's happy and enjoying themselves.
- go for after-party hopefully.
- d&d ends!

-yay!- i bet everyone will be so happy and relieved that d&d is FINALLY over after the many months of hard work from everyone in the committee.

-ponders a long while and plays the happenings from the past months-
come to think of it, i think i would actually miss everyone in the committee.

alvin for his guidance and his sharing of heart-to-heart (HTH) sessions.

guang for his guidance too.his pretty-lameness that never fails to crack me up.esp when he's damn bloody tired.lols.

yeeping for your constant attempts to sing and laughter that's oh-so adorable and the HTH sessions we've had.

jasmine for your signature laughter.

jo for your guidance and sharing of HTH sessions.

steph for your company and presence during HTH sessions with the boys.

valerie for your great job getting sponsors. i seriously salute you for that!

ah boy for your great company. singing,cracking jokes (dirty/clean ones). and the HTH sessions with you too.

weisheng for your constant little appearance for meetings. mummy still loves you!

this year's committee is definately a breath of fresh air compared to last year's. of course, different people so the feeling and chemistry is difeerent too. anyhows, gonna go off soon. still awaiting for andrew to come up then we'll leave for pan pac.

-prays hard for d&d to go all swell-

D&D Chalet

2006-03-07T10:24:00.000+09:00

mans.its already the second wk of holidays.

with no job as yet and loads of events happening.think i won't be able to get what i wanted.
aiyah.at least the events would keep me company throughout the holidays and ensure that i won't get bored like the last hols.

anyways.have a D&D chalet at aranda country club at pasir ris later till thursday.yeps.

oh wells.off to finish some paper work before gg for the chalet.

too-loos!

.holidays are here.not to stay though.

2006-02-25T15:50:00.000+09:00

oh my goodness!

it's been more than a month since i blogged.gosh.

anyways. exams are FINALLY over! -the terror-

i've applied for the relief teaching in schools.have yet to start calling schools up near my area for the position.

-thinks about being awoken at freaking 6 am in the morning and rush to the school within less than an hour. time of approx 45 mins inclusive of freshening up,deciding on a suitable combo of dressing,doing my make up, and transportation there.-

*shudders*

lols.i'm just gona try it out for experience la huh.even daddy gave me the thumbs up for the job.my real daddy that is.lols.

anyways, even the hols aren't gona let me go.have meetings to attend, camps to plan and anticipate for (FOW/FOC , SL camp , Week Zero Orientation) i think i'm so gona get screwed.hahs.

and mummy refuses to get me a laptop.shish.oh wells.shall work hard for the money -sings: She works hard for the money. So hard for the money. She works hard for the money, so you better treat her right..- ..blahs..

anyway.there's a few objectives for me this hols.(sounds like doing project right?lols.)

1. meet up with my girls -huiling,mich,yiling-
2. earn lotsa money to get the laptop i really want. -the pearl.white.gold notebook from asus is so.the.freaking.nice la-
3. get my hair shorter before camp.
4. meet up with my school girls -ting2,suting,pammie,mi-mi,janet- for that lunch that we've always planned but never got around to have @ coca restaurant.
5. get baking cos my mum's nagging for me to finish up the ingredients i've bought. -cookies anyone?-
6. get more nice clothes! -sponsors and shopping kha-kis anyone?-

anyone up for the activities mentioned as above, please leave a tag!

no more presentation!

2006-01-24T14:37:00.000+09:00

yay!

no more presentations!

boo!

three more weeks to school before i end my second year in tp.

it has been an incredible journey thus far, and i'm still anticipating even more fun to come.

been busy with open house and projects last week.gosh.didn't know i could work rather fast.lols.

with a blink of an eye, lots of things have been happening without me knowing.
it's sad to know too.it's like being pushed away and forced to stay away.not knowing things that has happened after it has happened is even worse.at least keep me updated.

to me,it's the little things tt make me feel appreciated.a phone call or an sms would suffice even.

am i that demanding?
is my schedule that difficult to meet up?
am i the one trying to hard to hold on to this relationship?
i thought it works both ways?
shouldn't it be based on both parties' willingness?

maybe i am reading too much into this matter.
i could be.
but you don't tell me anything.
so how do you expect me to not read into this matter?

and the fact that you guys are so close makes me feel threatened.
it's as if i have been missing out alot.

i am insecure right now.
i don't know what to do about it.
or can i refuse to do anything about it?
but if i don't do anything about it, wouldn't that equate to not trying hard to make it work?

oh blahs.
i just ranted my ass when i should be doing my tutorial for MICE.

camping time!

2005-12-28T02:05:00.000+09:00

people!

i'm blogging from school.back in tp for five days. camp and then staying for dnd meeting the next day after camp.

christmas was fun.had a great time at momo lee jeng's place.the caroling,feasting,concert by the kids..all great.

anyways.will be away for these days.

just shifted house.boxes all over the house.hell is back yet again.

anyways. will be missing everyone back home for these days.

alrights.lookie at the time!

time for me to go sleep la!(most probably will be staying up doing last minute stuffs to clear for tmr before camp officially starts)

ciaos!

what's been happening..

2005-12-23T16:56:00.000+09:00

alrights.

this is a delayed post.make that a VERY delayed post.

so ya.i'm freaking shifting house again. due to some shity stuffs that's happened at home.

and yes. this time its only one bus-stop away. i wonder the next move, will it be the next block away?and so ya. i'm shifting on boxing day itself. how wonderful.*rolls eyes*

anyways. been rushing project. mugging for mid-sem tests, which i studied ok!.and ya.been seeing more of him recently.

and hey! i ain't complaining you know. and there's a high possibility that he's reading my blog as well.but its ok.cos i wont say anything bad up here.hahs!

and yes. christmas i believe will be wonderful this year.

and not to forget the upcoming camp which i am SOO looking forward to. can't wait for the adrenaline of seeing loads of people enjoying themselves.*or at least i hope they ARE enjoying themselves.* and yes. not to forget the weariness that comes with it as well. but its okay. i have enough time to rest after all.

ANNOUNCEMENT!!

ZOO 10's BLOG HAS OFFICIALLY BEEN OPENED!!!

PLEASE DO VISIT US BY LOOKING FOR OUR LINK AT MY LINK PAGE!!

ITS UNDER 'RANDOMZOO10'

too-loos!

love and marriage

2005-12-02T14:37:00.000+09:00

okay.
i know i haven't been updating for a very long time.

firstly because my computer is seriously screwed and the internet sucks so.
also because i've been heavily involved in student union matters and of course, personal projects a.k.a. school work.

alrights. let's see what i shall blog about first. well, FM or better known to HTM students as Facilities Management, the individual project field assignment is FINALLY done after fretting and researching like there's no tmr. and i managed to chalk up to 7 pages of crap.hahs.

anyways, life has been kind to me.

for those who are close to me in school and of course not forgetting my girlfriends, someone up there has given me something rather special. or should i say someone..yep.

na-uh..i shall not disclose the personal contents of this matter as it shall only be shared with a few close people whom i'm comfortable with and i know for a fact that everyone in this world is able to view this puny lil blog of mine. and no i don't want outsiders to know the personal affairs of my private and low-down life.

yes. sorry i'm digressing today.

topic of the day is: *wheel of fortune tone rings* "Love and Marriage"

reason why i'm so particularly random for this line of topic is because i had a great time chatting and talking about this topic with ting2 ytd after culi science. setting we were in: Andersen's Ice-Cream @ Cable Car Centre. Weather: Fine with no stars though the sky was already dark because it was around 7pm. anyways, the company i had ytd with ting2 was truly great. hees. its just great that we have some things in common and also some differences in thinking. its just frightful to think that potentially we would be married off in some number of years. ain't it?and the thought of kids, housework, meals, responsibilities and the whole works of having a family is just unimaginable. okay,i will not reveal anymore cos i find it nice to just keep these thing to myself.

and ALL THE TIME, i thank whoever is UP there for giving and blessing me with such wonderful friends who i can talk to so easily and for my case, share this bond which is built so easily and freely.

alrights. lessons are about to start and i shall stop boring people here with these senseless words of mine.

but ting2: if you read this, thanks for the time spent with me ytd.i truly appreciate it and i totally understand you.

*i'm tired...yawns*

.school life yet again.

2005-11-21T14:08:00.000+09:00

school has already started for two weeks and believe me, the projects are starting to pile up now.

shish!
its only the second week you know?
*blahs*

the projects that i can recall on the spot right now are:
- jap presentation.
- facilities mgt individual presentation.
- lodging system group work.
- MICE project that had yet to be revealed.
- food and beverage operations.
- culi science project.

anyone has extra time to spare me?please?

gees.24 hours ain't enough for now.
and the best thing?

internet is so screwed up back home.yes.i'm blogging from school.gees.

pathetic right?

i agree.

so agree.

goals achieved in the weekend:
- found a real nice dress for augustine's wedding.am gona go back and get it if mum agrees.
- caught "just like heaven".
- chilled at orchard despite the crowd there.now THAT'S amazing!

happy birthday to me!

2005-11-13T11:20:00.000+09:00

I am thankful for my friends. Serious.

had a wonderful time ytd with some DnD comm members. we were place-hopping throughout the night. dinner at cine pastamania, meet up with val and jo at wheelock’s starbucks, walked back to cine for dessert at tcc in which they decided to surprise me with a brownie cake that is totally covered in chocolate syrup..i tell you is truly: oohhh-myyyyyyy-gooooodd. It is just THAT sinful FYI..hahs. they also had a gift from bits and pieces for me. a real nice necklace. seriously. thanks so much guys. It really means a lot to me. the thoughtfulness is just *thumbs up*.

Credits: Valerie, Jo, Chong Guang, Yee Ping and Alvin Neo (which he spent the time talking on the phone when the brownie arrived..so rude lo! -tees- I’m just kidding!)

really appreciate it you guys.

Then after I was just completely wow-ed by the brownie, I met a certain someone whom I shall NOT disclose right here and right now. hahs. you guys wana know? Pry it out of my mouth! try me! *nani nani poo-poo* -giggles-

yea. and got to meet charles.

-hees- he’s a nice guy la!....-thinks again- okay la. (first impression lo!) –shrugs-

yea. then we two headed to the mind café. real nice place they have there.
(and between me and him, we agree tt they have good looking guys and no pretty girls)

and THEN, he surprised me with guess what? another brownie. but this has additional scoop of ice cream. haha. i was: oh my goodness! another brownie? i am so sin-ned tonight.

but the surprise was great though cheesy. –giggles- kinda expected it coming la. but oh wells.

so in conclusion?

i had a wonderful 18th celebration with friends.
am looking forward to the celebration tonight with my extended family.

oh no!!!
I AM FINALLY 18!!!
i take it it’s a good thing?

‘course its good! its like the legal age for like some stuffs. *am so gona club soon..* any takers? –looks around-

for everybody' information: i got home at 4am, slept only at 4.45am and i woke up at 8.30am the same morning and can't get back to sleep already..sheesh..

family ties.what's it to you?

2005-10-20T01:55:00.000+09:00

okay
i am so in the wrong mood but i am so gonna use this opportunity to thrash out my feelings.

*current situation: i'm ~~fucking~~ crying right now. what i say here might not necessarily make sense to anyone for that matter because i am just plainly ranting. but please tolerate me just for this entry because i REALLY need this outlet.*

here's the deal.
about two to three weeks ago, my dad wanted my mum to go visit him in russia, his working place la. and so when my mum heard it, she approached my granma for help.

and she agreed to help my mum look after us when she's away.
so now the problem is. my mum can't get the visa in time so my dad suggested she go over to korea first cos he's gg back for a while this end of month.

in fact is this coming monday. so when they get to korea, he'll get the HQ people in his company to get my mum's visa done.

if all goes well, then she'll go russia with him. if she can't get the visa done in korea, then she'll fly back here on the 31st.

so now, my granma has this wedding dinner tmr night and my mum offered to help her find a suitable bag for her. so just now when i was out, all this happened:

she called my granma regarding the bag, then my granma mentioned that she wouldn't be able to help her look after us anyway because my two uncles are flying overseas consecutively.
then my uncle's wife would follow her husband to thailand to make her wedding dress for this coming december. and so my granny wouldn't be able to help look after us.

i mean..
WHERE IS THE LOGIC???
THEY ARE FLYING OFF AND SHE SAYS SHE CAN'T LOOK AFETR US?
I MEAN..SHE'S NOT THE PERSON FLYING OFF LA!!

then now my mum is like stuck in between. thank goodness she didn't confirm the flight today. if not she might have wasted the money. i mean, seriously la.

....just a simple help also cannot?
is really very frustrating you know?
i mean, my mum has always helped her, my granma that is.

bring her out, blah blah blah.
my other aunts don't even spend much time with her

TO BE TRUE
THEY DONT EVEN BRING HER OUT AT ALL.

i mean really la. is all bullshits la. without reasons.
is really ~~fuck~~ la. very frustrating. and wait, that's not all.

my aunts gives her monthly expenses though my mum doesn't because we have like financial difficulties. but my mum spends more on her when she goes out, than compared to my aunt's contribution la. and my granma seems to be unsatisfied with it la. and she always picks on me and my brother for NO ~~FUCKING~~ REASON!!

i mean, logic or not? not fair la. what kinda world is this? she's my granma after all. aren't all granmas supposed to be kind and loving?

can't she love us more?not fair. really la.

*damn i cant stop the tears*.

it's really heartbreaking to know this you know?
she don't even give a ~~fuck~~ about my cousins and even if it isn't my brother's fault, she still blames him all the same. it's like what the ~~fuck~~?

so ~~fucking~~ unfair la. sometimes i really wonder if she really loves us or not.

i really doubt it. if she does then she wouldn't be treating us like hell.

serious. it all shows in her actions.

oh and my mum offered to do my granma's dress when we went thailand and my granma bought silk to make her dress.

i mean. seriously la.. my heart breaks when my granma treats my mum like that after all that my mum has done for her. she was really upset after hearing this.

she went out with her friend to do grocery shopping. said she had to take a breather. and recently there's alota stuffs happening in the house.the ~~fucking~~ landlord.financial stuffs.

serious.
i'm really tired from all this.

where are the family bonds that i was expecting to see? the helpfulness and kindness and caring nature of my family?

~~fuck~~.or is it that i'm just living in a lie the whole time?

i have 8 ~~fuck~~ in this entry and it took me a whole 30 mintues to type everything out.

i am emotionally drained.i really am.

on second note..

2005-10-17T23:47:00.000+09:00

oh yes. with reference to my previous post, i mentioned i had no topic to blog about.

wells i just have one topic to blog abt now.

i found out what's WRONG with ME..

one thing, i am afraid to start relationships.

damn,that's bad.

recent stuffs have made me realise this FEAR of mine.

so what if someone asked me out?

the initial response when he asked me out was: okay, i'll just give it a shot. just see how it goes.

but damn, the after-question-feeling is so bloody different.

i really question myself.

will it turn out alright?
maybe he'll be turned off by me?
maybe we wouldn't be able to hit it off?
maybe it is really not a good idea?

blahs. all the maybe-s popping out for questioning.

shish.i don't like it.and i don't wana think about it cos it'll only make me think of the worse.

damn it.

oh whatever!!

anyways.one good thing is i'm gona be working at SATS again tmr.

and the pay's $9/hr.

bloody good!..hees.

then i'll head to salsa in sentosa.woopees!

blog abt SATS tmr when i reach back.

tatas!

2005-10-15T00:56:00.000+09:00

had our second D&D meeting today at coffeeclub at somerset.

met up with stef for dinner b4 heading there.

and we both got this coke bottle that mos burger is giving out for special set meals purchased.

hehs.*i sound like i'm advertising for mos burger don't i?*

anyways.had our meeting.hm..was okay i guess.

nothing much to blog and i don't wana blog abt it in here anyways.gona be damn boring la.

so after the meeting, the guys headed to cine for a movie and mumsie was in orchard having dinner so she said she'll come round to pick me up.

hell yea. she'll be coming soon to pick me up.gees.that woman made me wait more than 10 minutes or so she claimed.damns. hahas.

but wasn't a problem cos i had the company of the guys la.at least that's not so bad ain't it?better than sitting outside cine, ALONE, and people milling around me with their friends and all..blahs.

ahs...i seriously don't have the mood to blog nowadays..what's up with me?

cartel dinner with wah lao eh gang

2005-10-13T00:53:00.000+09:00

if you guys read thru my profile on friendster, you will be able to see in my affiliation section that i am affiliated to a gang called the 'wah lao eh' gang.

hahas.FINALLY!! we got to have dinner as a big re-union thingy-thing-thing and it happened at PS's cartel.

pictures are available in my online album. i promise i will link it all up.all my albums online okies?

anyways.back to the dinner.

i have to say that the company was great and that's why i was so happy to see everyone and got to really enjoy myself too. company there was:

1: eddie a.k.a. ELMO.
2: timothy a.k.a. ah pat.
3: angel a.k.a. mui-mui.
4: me
5: stefinity
6: woo wenqi
7: eric

in cartel, we (read: angel, me,wenqi and stef) saw this REALLY cute guy working there. and his name is: RANDALL...hahas..so nice right?

and if you happen to ask: HOW THE HELL WOULD THEY KNOW HIS NAME?

allow me to elaborate on our throw-face behaviour in front of him.

THROW FACE SCENE #1

is because we caught sight of this guy, me and angel, then when he came to our table and served us, i was trying hard to see his name on his name-tag.

but as you all would know, my eye-sight is bad and i abit pa-jiao la! so i couldn't catch his name in time.

but my dearest stefinity saw his name and said: Randall la!

.
.
.
.

me and Angel were stunned there cos didn't expect her to say out la! and so loudly when he was just standing in front of us! and that, ladies and gentlemen, is throw face scene #1.

THROW FACE SCENE #2

he was like refilling the water or something at the side-station just next to our table and the mad girls (read: stefinity and angel) frantically took pictures of him behind his back.

and i mean LITERALLY IS BEHIND HIS BACK cos they only got pictures of him with his back facing the cam. hur-hur.

so when we decided to ask him to help us take photos, we had like 4 digicams on the table for him to snap. and when he got to the third camera, which is a.k.a. stefinity's camera!.. she..one power lady, forgot to switch the camera back to the 'take-picture-mode' and alas! the previous photo that she took was the shot of himself (read: randall) with his back to the camera.

and he's such a sweet. he turned to us and showed us the picture and ALL of us stunned and burst out laughing cos it was simply soo funny!!hahas..

and that's what i call: un-called-for-behaviour.hur-hur.

and yes, we kinda agreed that the panfried-macaroni isn't that great.
stef n angel were complaining that it wasn't gd la.

then after dinner and loads of picture taking, we decided to head for drinks and went to piazza to chat and stuffs.

and yes.picture taking and all stuffs.

was simply great having you guys as companions.

for picture viewing, click on the link page and there'll be a link: cartel dinner.

cheerios!!

its that period again

2005-10-11T01:37:00.000+09:00

can somebody please tell me what i am doing still up at this hour?

i should be having my beauty sleep la!

i should have popped by video-ezy and rented "Chicago" la. waste of time mans. can't sleep and nothing to do.

and shish HMV is out of salsa.damn it. gotta wait for their next stock.and pay for the original price instead of $11.damns. but it should be worth it la. *i will wait..*

and yes. true enuff.my whole body is aching from dance day.

gees. walking steps is such a terrible thing to do right now!

and ~~fcuk~~ it. the monthly ritual is here for this week. it's irritating but at least it'll be over by next week.

gees.

dance day @ LADC

2005-10-09T20:37:00.000+09:00

woohoo!

just got back from dance day at LA Dance Connection.

and man.was it great or what? serious.the dances were all great. though its difficult to catch up cos of the number of ppl gg for the dance classes and the short time frame.

BUT!, i LOVE the Broadway Jazz. it was so easy to grasp and the music is absolutely GREAT..i mean..jazz ley. how can anyone NOT love Jazz..gees.

and the song that they played for us to practise apparently came from Chicago..(cos i checked it out)..now, i am SOOOO gona get the dvd and watch. hahas.

and the people there are just great! saw allison, jennifer and of course marcus. hehs. and allison intro us to her friend from the place. hahas.

turns out! allison's only 17 la! my age lor!..*shakes head* she sure doesn't look 17 la. lols.

and they always start this basic warm up b4 every class. and mans. is really 'warm-up' la. my whole body went warm after the warm up. guess that's why the name: 'warm-up' is given right?hahas. i ain't making sense alr.

but yea..the whole thing rocks. and allison told us that every sat is loco night.

means we can go in for free and the guys would normally ask you to dance with them and just dance for like 3 hours straight kinda-stuff and allison they all are always there on sat nights.

but sat ley. i have family dinners normally ley. so sad la. nvm. i just might skip one dinner to go if anybody is interested to.

anyways, the muscles of mine are sure to ache tmr. i am sure of it!

anyhoows.. will be gg with limin for this facial thingy tmr. and then will head to HMV to get my CDs b4 11 Oct.

yay! then can start salsa-ing at home with the nice nice music for company.

pity no partner only.

*sulks*

no matter. i'm cool with it.

alrights. i'm heading out for dinner-ing with everyone @ Rocky's Pizza now.

yay! cheesy-cheesy Pizza!!!

too-loos!

i had two gorgeous hunks as company for dinner

2005-10-08T00:29:00.000+09:00

meet up with my two hunks for dinner today.

it was fulfilling la!

managed to arrange some amendments..won't give details cos it will spoil the fun..lols.

had dinner @ fish n co. suntec. and we ordered a platter for 2..

we cleared everything off the pan. REALLY EVERYTHING.

lols. my dear asst. wasn't dare enuff to take the mussels.hahas.

ended up we gotta cut up the mussels and give him one teeny-weeny-bita-piece to try. and his expression was so hilarious.lols.

anyhoows.i am soo prep up for camp now. like cliffy, i can't wait till recruitment starts and when we get to interact with the sub-coms.

and yes, yet (again), i was made secretary (AGAIN)!!

shish!! WHY ME!?

PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!

2005-10-05T20:40:00.000+09:00

THIS IS A PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT!

WE, "THE WINERS", HEREBY OFFICIALLY BREAK-OFF ALL BONDS AND TIES WITH A PARTICULAR SOMEONE!!!

YES THE SAME GIRL WHO IS ATTENDING SALSA LESSONS WITH TING2 SUTING N ME!

do you guys know what she did?!

she on-the-spot rejected an AFTER-PARTY INVITATION by the same eye-candy guy that we saw at SATS.

YOU!! how can you??
so evil la.
AT LEAST GO RIGHT?

and didn't tell us until like so long later. so evil!

my tuesdays just rock the house!

2005-10-05T00:29:00.000+09:00

today.i finally did my nails!

its great! service great! ambience great! price also great! for just a cool $11 i get a manicure.gees. best deal mans.

meet the guys and joyce for lunch at fish n co today. been a long time since we last had lunch together. missed all of you soo much.

then headed to toys 'r' us and the guys went MAD over there! playing with noodle.shooting guns.scoring hoops.laming around.wearing the anime wiggies and acting cute..gees. you guys are just awesome.

then amanda came and we meet with terence tong b4 heading to sentosa for salsa lessons.

salsa just rocks la.serious. i'm soo gona continue with it.

was great fun.

dead beat

2005-10-03T02:16:00.000+09:00

bloody hell!

RASA SUCKS LIKE HELL!!

sorry if there are any rasa staff reading this but seriously.

your company knows nothing except to:
1. torture your 'CASUAL LABOUR' who are VOLUNTEERING for YOUR BIG HOO-HAH EVENT!

2. unreasonable and pathetic pay rate though its $6.50 because you guys are so DAMN CHEAPO BY DEDUCTING OUR PAY DURING DINNER TIME! CHEAPO SHITS!

3. cleverly ask your'CASUAL LABOUR' to change into FULL-BODY ETHNIC CLOTHES WHILE HAVING TO SET UP THE PATHETIC LAWN EVENT WHEN THE SUN IS BEATING DOWN HOT AND IT JUST RAINED BEFORE THE BLISTERING SUN DECIDED TO COME UP!!

all these would have the equation of:

rain before event+ hot sun when setting up= heels getting stuck in mud because of the lawn and perspirating like mad at the same time!

bloody hell. and the shoes were the worse! fuck it man.

i am sooo not gonna work at Rasa EVER!!

nooo way!
even if they beg me to help out.

bloody hell.

end of the day, no food, no water, aching legs, sore toes, stinking like hell and guess what's the BEST gift to end this 'perfect' day?

A MISSED BUS THAT I MISSED JUST 5 MINS BECAUSE A STUPID SENTOSA BUS WAS DELAYED FOR FUCKING 5 MINS!!

shitty hell. had to cab home la.fuck.

mans.they are so gone.
bad experience=bad impression.

i will never recommend anybody to stay at Rasa.

DON'T EVER STAY THERE!

shish.was a fucked up place, it is.

SATS

2005-10-01T03:51:00.000+09:00

working at SATS totally rocks my socks!

man. though the pay is like $5 per hour only, but the exposure sure makes up for the lack of pay mans.

all you get to see the rich and famous people.

okay.i shall start blogging abt what happened.

friday met suting and pam at tampines for movie and we caught corpse bride.gees.one great hilarious show not to be missed!
then we lunched at billy bombers.ting came to find us.left for changi airport.
supposed to meet belinda and liping at tanah merah but the poor girls couldn't get into the train in time.so they had to take the next one which was like almost 10 mins later!gees!

so at changi we waited for the rest of 24 people to turn up for the function.yes.and waited and waited. like finally when everyone arrived! we headed to the bus place to take this bus.

ended up we had to alight the bus along the road towards changi airport and backtrack into some SECLUDED place which i thought was non-existing.

soon enough, we saw the SATS IN-FLIGHT CATERING building and mans was IT BIG!!
and the security there is like WOAH!! like airport la! have to go thru the scanner and even your bags HAVE to be screened. lols.

so all of us made our way thru and yes.we were kinda late so we hadta hurry hurry change to our uniform.

mans. that was one helluva change. i bet it was the first i saw so many girls change so quickly within 10 mins.

the change includes:
-uniform
-shoes and stockings
-hair
-make-up
-and final check for any loose strands of hair that's making their way down.

ain't that fast?! hahas.

alrights.fast forwards.

-briefing by chefs
-intro to the function room
-brief intro to the menu
-assignment of roles and table number.
-dinner in a place-bags-and-belonging-with-chairs-and-whiteboard room.
-more precise and detailed briefing on the menu and essentials a.k.a. wine.

soon it was time for us, the assigned 'winers' for the evening to go prepare the wines and stuffs.

hell it was fun. wasn't it girls! enjoyed myslef tremendously with ting2, suting and not to forget, jovi..

yes we had our share of the same eye-candy! lols. jovi was like melting around him la! hahas.

all in all. was a great experience and exposure for us all. and guess what?

we had a bonus can!?

stay from 12am to 1am and they'll pay us an additional $20 for that! how cool is that?

oh and acheivements for the evening:

-eye-candy
-experience
-pay!!
-wine tasting
-starter and dessert tasting.
-and not to forget, a reputable certficate for me to keep!

was just great i say!

and the 'winers' totally ROCKS MY SOCKS!!

cheers to us. the 'winers' :ting2:jovi:suting:pam:

engulfed in emotions

2005-09-25T05:42:00.000+09:00

mans. i hate to admit it.

but seeing people with their special ones make me ponders and think-back.
maybe not think-back.but just wonder and probably dream about my future.

yes. i admit.

i do not NEED a guy by my side.

however, i WANT a guy by my side.

don't laugh.it's easier said than done.

jeff will insist that i asked for it. and if only i had accept....oh wells.it's over and i seriously have nothing for him so i can't possibly bluff myself and him too. it IS for the better.

i do envy girls who have a guy by them so they can rightfully claim their guy as their own.
i can't bluff myself.this i confess.

and yes.
i sure have the signs and symptoms of missing being in love.oh wait.make that missing the chase and initial stages of being in a relationship.

the pursuit never fails to quicken my heart-rate, have that admirative glint in my eyes, be daring in my actions, and the passion is incomparable.

so get me a fling!

*puts on nerdy specs*
hereby, let me copy-and-paste the dictionary meaning of 'fling':

1. The act of flinging.
2. A brief period of indulging one's impulses. See Synonyms at binge.
3. Informal. A usually brief attempt or effort: You take a fling at it.
4. A brief sexual or romantic relationship.

*throws of nerdy specs*
in this case, definition of 1,2, and 3 are definately out of point.

point 4. is an interesting point which, again, allow me to break it up and further elaborate.

a brief sexual encounter: that's too rash. and i will regret having such a relationship in time to come.

a brief romantic relationship: now, that is more like what i have in mind too. a brief romantic fling which i can have with no strings attached.

why?

because,
1. i prefer the chase to the relationship.
2. the initial passion is most sacred and should be shared then.
3. by the definition of fling, i need not worry about being accountable for my actions.

simple reasons as stated above.

of course, with a fling in mind, there are possible candidates whom i have taken note/noticed.
of course.i don't know them....well YET.hahas.

*puts on nerdy specs and refers to a clipboard*
allow me to list the candidates applicable for selection:

Candidate 1: the cute guy at one of the citylink mall's shop.i swear.his smile is oh-so-killer.
Candidate 2: the guy in fish n co. that limin promised to find for me.
Candidate 3: a guy that grace has promised me from down under.
Candidate 4: the guy with dyed hair working at a korean restaurant,Ju Shin Jung, at Pasir Panjang. abita shy, abita cute. hees. didn't catch his name though.
Candidate 5: the chef in the national culinary team who cooked at TAS.

hahs. i'm kidding abt the last one la.but i'm serious about the first one.

lols.no la!

i'm open to everyone except the last one.hahas.

of course, you people are most welcomed to add more people into my list of candidancy.

lovers-in-paris-marathon

2005-09-19T23:13:00.000+09:00

or should i say: pari eh yun..

don't be surprised..i completed the show in two days.

can't believe it but i watched the show continuously for 16 hours.except for toilet breaks and dinner that is.hahs.i'm so gona bum my holidays.

the show totally rocks my socks!
and i'm so in love with the OST..anybody has the songs please send it to me can?.if not i'll resort to buying the disc.lols.

watching the lead, Park Shin Yang who is acting as Han Ki-Joo, it jolts me that i actually want that kind of guy.

a guy that is stable in life, knows what he's doing, serious in his work, knows how to cheer me up, serenades me, and of course, protects me like his baby.hahas..

in a way, he reminds me of my dad. people who watched the show also told me several times. yes in some ways he's just like my dad. his seriousness and no-nonsense style reminds me of him all the more.

anyways back to the topic of the lead, those who have watched the show, don't you think he's so man?.hahs..although i'm sure amanda will love Lee Dong Gun better.

alrights.i'm digressing too much today.

somehow,i've always wondered about the future.
do you think my dad will want me to marry a korean guy?.(hahs.what a joke)
and if i do marry a korean guy as what my dad wants,will i need to give up my everything here to accommodate him?or maybe i should say, will i be willing?

*after a long contemplation*

yes, i will be willing to give it up for him.call me a hopeless romantic and all, but i believe that a woman should give in to her husband. of course there's a limit to it.and also we should be able to reach a point where both of us give and take. isn't it the way it's supposed to be in relationships?oh wells, i ain't in one yet. when i do, i can blog it up here then.

seriously, i have always wanted..no no..make that hoped to please my parents in having a korean guy. i always thought that it's best to get a korean guy and settle down. why?because i'm very attached to my korean blood-ties. i'm serious.

i know. there are questions like:
1. how you going to survive over there without knowing a single korean word?
2. it's a new environment for me.
3. and of course i could very well get my heartbroken over there.

sure. all these do come in mind. but i guess it would be worth it. i've always wanted to fulfil my task as a korean child and i didn't get to fulfil it in Singapore because basically there wasn't any need.

but seeing the korean serial shows that depicts the typical korean lifestyle, does make me yearn to be a good wife and daughter-in-law.

alrights.

think its the korean blood in me that's making me think this way. mans.

'nuff 'bout me.i'll be hitting the sack later, and dreaming of my korean guy, and heading for salsa lessons in the evening tmr.

cheerios!

WOOHOOOOO!!!!

2005-09-19T00:10:00.000+09:00

wow-wees!

i got place in asst head programmer.

yip-pee-doo-dah..

hahs..heys.been praying hard for the chance to be given to me.

oh yea.

lovers in paris rocks my socks!!!!!

alrights.will continue right away my lovers in paris!

ciaos people!

wooweets!

2005-09-15T23:22:00.000+09:00

yippeeeess!!

like FINALLY after hours and hours..got the song.

really nice..

heh.quite surprised to find a mandarin song on my blog ehs?.

but i love this song.so yea.

till next time!

wasted time

2005-09-14T15:50:00.000+09:00

spent hours trying to get music into my blog.

somehow i just can't seem to understand the terminologies of computers.
and even if i can understand and locate the various terms, it just doesn't work out to what i want it to be.

damn it.
spent wasted efforts.
i'll just wait for my girl to help me out with the music this time round.

too-loos!

*cramp*

2005-09-14T05:51:00.000+09:00

oh..add tt to the list of things i have achieved for the day would be:

4) 53 banana muffins
5) an indian movie we just rented tt cause me to sleep only at 5 in the morning?

am i too free or what?

2005-09-13T15:57:00.000+09:00

oh mans.

this is the second time i'm changing skin so recently.

but i love the whole layout.

you see the pic and it's like you're chasing your dream cos you're running.
but then the pic is blur because you can't really see the dream clearly in front of you.

so yar..there you have it.

and i've achieved nothing today except
1) a new skin.
2)additional entry to my blog.
3)mood swings due to pms.

so what's new?

great job offer

2005-09-13T01:29:00.000+09:00

start of the hols.

did nothing but slacked.

unless you count baking cookies = doing something.

yes i baked yet again. without the help of the electronic mixer.thanks to my poor memory of where we placed it while packing.and so i mixed everything manually.and yes it was tiring. thank goodness the cookies turned out good.if not i'll just throw every damn cookies down the chute.waste my heart-strings.

and mum made a real good deal with me. stay at home and do the place up and she'll continue giving me my weekly allowance as usual.

woopees!!

maybe cos i mentioned tt sakae sushi was hiring part-time crew and she got so paranoid abt me working again and thus offered first instead.hahs.

oh wells.both way i still win.i tidy and get my stuffs out.AND i get paid.

and i was thinking of asking you guys to recommend any jobs for me..like fairs or roadshows. maybe can la..just a few to kill the loneliness and boredom tt will conquer me soon.so do let me know of good lobangs okies?

appreciate people!

update on an outing that i never should have gone

2005-09-11T00:10:00.000+09:00

went steamboat-ing today with my girls.

i shouldn't have gone for it in the first place.
so i can't blame anybody for that matter right?

don't wanna blog about the outing.

but it sure got me thinking about things.

is the appearance THAT important to guys on girls? is the outlook all that matters when a guy is around a girl? do guys really hang with a girl just because she's pretty.slim.cute. in other words: not me.

do they just care about the appearance? if that is so then i think i've been living in a lie all along.i always thought that when someone tell me: 'oh, guys all the same one. see girl pretty then jio' and i've always told myself that ain't true because i believe that there are guys out there who don't live by that line of principle. if this is true then most probably i'll just remain a single woman who grows old with her family.

apart from that about my future and back to my original topic, if we view people as to how beautiful they are based on their appearance, then aren't we wrong to just 'sentence' that person according to what we see and not what might have happened to them? they could have been very slim and gorgeous but things might have happened to them that caused them to change their appearance. isn't it true? how many times have we stopped ourselves when thinking: that girl has no figure! and think that: hey! maybe she has had some problems? see?she looks kinda down too.

how many times do we do that?seriously.

after what happened today.on the bus home, i was running through what happened and a few times i was on the verge of breaking down.but i told myself it ain't worth it to cry just because of remarks about me. but does he know that i am a human? and a girl for that matter? and that remarks made about me does hurt me as bad? seemingly he doesn't seem to care and i even doubt if he even knows that he's hurting people.or me for that matter.and what's worse? my girl said never mind if i don't like him cos as long as she loves him.

i was damn pissed and they probably felt it too.i could feel my mood change black.

i tried to calm myself down, i did manage,regretfully, to refrain from shouting into the face of his and told him to fcuk off. i swear..i was tempted to do so in the bloody face of his.

however, i didn't manage to hide succesfully my feelings and my mood that just happened to turn bad in an instant after several snide and rude remarks he made of me.

i swear.i felt like leaving them at that instant and just cab home and bawl my eyes out in the cab and hopefully it would be a nice cabby who would ask me what happened and comfort me with nice words saying that some guys are just INSENSITIVE and so damn MCP. so just heck care about them and don't let their words affect me.

but hell, i somehow didn't do it and ended up in the train all the way back home. i didn't talk much on the ride home and just passed it off to them as feeling kinda tired.

i reached home feeling bad as hell and the rest of family could see it.they asked me what happened and i just told them with tears in the eyes that i didn't enjoy myself and just headed to the room to get clothes and shower. i swore they got worried thus the incessant questions on what happened?someone bullied me?how come not happy?whole day go out not happy? didn't want to let them know what happened so i just kept the trap of mine shut and said i'll be fine after a shower.

so there it goes.

an update on an outing that i NEVER should have gone.

2005-09-09T23:33:00.000+09:00

so the exams are finally over!!

*just hope there's no supp for me.though its diff la..think i'll be retaking the supp for two of the papers..

alrights.quick updates on the past days of exams.

05.09.05 (Monday)
tried to mug hard at home. i really did. i even did one exam paper of acct can?

06.09.05 (Tuesday)
had acct paper in the morn. woke up n met jeff to go sch together.had a surprise! joyce tagged along and man was she scared to enter school grounds.*cos she thought ppl would recognise she's fm jc la.

reached home and studied CRS for 2-3 hours but the stuffs couldn't stay in the head of mine. headed to bed at 1230 with hopeless faith in my CRS.

07.09.05 (Wednesday)
CRS in the morn.same ritual.except joyce didn't come.

paper was a floop.badly done.

reached home and hit the sack.maybe it was the feeling tt i didn't do well for the paper and the late night the previous night tt made me so tire out.

08.09.05 (Thursday)
woke at 1030 and dear mumsie treated us to Coca lunch. *slurps* in case not many know, Coca happens to be my fav steamboat restaurant around.it is da best!!serious.me n bro had it at student price too!

headed home and studied marketing.amazingly alota things remained up there. highlighted my AR book like mad. hit the bed at 12.

09.09.05 (Friday a.k.a. today)
same ritual with jeff n joyce. only realising tt i cant bring in my AR book after all. and tt was when i alighted at bedok can? like wtf? i was stunned.seriously stunned.no shit abt AR could enter the brain of mine at that point in time.

expected:AR to be a flop and marketing was okay i guess. let's hope i can pass easily la. and both papers i came out early. cant stand staying in there without knowing what else to write on the rest of the papers in the answer booklet la.

headed back home to know tt mumsie's bringing the kids out to swensens. of course!how can i miss it out right?was an enjoyable meal we had there.pity the salad lacked the veggies and abita sauce. oh wells the waffles was da best! hees.

so that's basically what happened in my life the past few days?

*what do you think? <--new phrase taught by jeff.

ciaos people!!

enjoy the hols.
meet up soon.
have lunches together.
k sessions.
movies.
bbq session with zoo10 perhaps?

and not to miss out, SALSA~!

tag me for meet ups people!

2005-09-03T18:14:00.000+09:00

ain't in da mood to blog much today.

mum's in a very-easy-to-get-pissed-off mood these days.

don't feel like staying home.
i want to get out and enjoy myself.
exams in 3 days' time.
supposed to be mugging.
things ain't all unpacked yet.
people will nag at me for taking forever to unpack my stuffs.
but think i have mood to unpack meh?

*irritating-ly freak-ing people who refuses to get off my ass for a while*

shall stop bantering here.
any further and i would just blast the computer screen in front of me.

woo-hoo!

2005-08-31T20:52:00.000+09:00

wow!

i changed blogskin, added a tagboard, and linked ppl up since 12..arnd coming to 5 hours?

ting- you can finally tag on my blog..aren't you just happy 'bout tt?

wells..too-loos..gg to hit the sack b4 waking up to a day of mugging again..nights!

*yawns

2005-08-31T18:54:00.000+09:00

had a fabulous salsa-ing time today..
though the lack of partners does affect the whole thing.
but one thing good is we get to rotate arnd..
so at least i'm not left alone with girls throughout the lesson..

hols are catching up soon and there's so much i want to achieve.

i want:

- to work so i won't be cooped up at home

- to spend the money earned on myself

- to lose weight in time for the wedding in december

- to do something about my hair.*curls or straight?*

- to complete salsa lessons and advance further

- to learn korean..*like FINALLY*

- to continue my piano lessons.*pity i didn't do it earlier*

- to finish unpacking everything of mine

- to have a fabulistic 18th partay and finally trying clubbing

- to have a relationship.*like that will just come popping by in my life..*

study time with pyisoe

2005-08-30T07:54:00.000+09:00

had a study time with jeff today at jp's macs..hahas..accomplished 6 lectures of acct and CRS i guess..hahas..but spent most of the time talking too..hehs..

was also a good outlet for me to say stuffs that has been cooped up inside of me for quite sometime..

got me thinking la.and realised that i miss being loved and being in love with 'that-special-someone'. told jeff to go find me a nice guy like him..*like that will ever happen*

alrightys..supposed to be mugging for exams next wk..then i'll be free! woo-hoo!

last day of school

2005-08-27T15:42:00.000+09:00

had the last tutorial today..and it had to be SSM..

*damns i know we'll all miss mr joseph..he's just so nice ain't he?

after tutorial had my prof test..think i will do quite okay..apart from my forgetting of repeating orders and breaking the wine bottle cork..i did everything else pretty well i guess..

took a couple of photos with mr joseph and talked about school..

he's just plain nice n fun to be with la..pity he had to fly..

later went off with pammie and ting to grab dinner b4 gg for movie under the stars..was last min la..

and on the way to tp in the bus..me and my pammie-hammie-jammie pal were talking non-stop..hahs..mei qi n ting couldn't stand us la..hahas..

watched moulin rouge and teared towards the end..was a nice movie and the ambience was great..apart from our blindness to our food..

but there weren't much stars.*hmph!

2005-08-21T20:26:00.000+09:00

can i say i've got my fair share of eye-candy on thursday and friday?

lunch at RITS on thur was totally enjoyable..thanks to the presence of someone in the kitchen..[hahs]

the food was absolutely divine and exquisite..

many thanks to the national culinary team who cooked at our kitchen from wed - fri..

sheer madness

2005-08-18T10:38:00.000+09:00

been great that we finished all projects alr..couldn't have felt more relieved than now..

but then..there's a thing called 'the BIG move'..

hell..im shifting hse [again]..

mumsie found this place less than 1km from our current residence..

i love this joke of my new place less than 1 km away from the old one..taxi fare confirm doesn't gets more than $2.40..hahs..*cold joke*

been wierd lately..crackin' jokes that aren't funny at all..am i turning psycho?

on a more deeper tone, been thinking alot lately:..

what would it have been if i gave us a shot?
would we still be together?
or would we split cos of differences?
jeff n joyce says tt i still think of him
so it means i still have feelings fer him
but he's alr attached
i don't wana be a third party
but jeff insists tt i ain't gona be no third party
[don't ask me how this comes to be true.]
[i'll ask him to explain it to me again and i'll post the theory up here]

..:SSM:..

2005-08-13T10:04:00.000+09:00

had the first service skills today..

was head waitress and damn was it stressful..

i mean..if the people under you aren't good..seriously you can consider puking on the spot and just die from exasperation..

i mean..already went thru how many times on the procedure?everything was okay at the start..only when people started coming in and more guests were there that everyone started panicking n frantic mices were seen everywhere in the restaurant..

i mean: hello!?!?there are guests la..keep your cool can?so irritating la..and constantly ask me questions..okay fine..i should answer them since i'm head waitress right?..fine..deem it as i am sensitive to the service standards okies?

i've done service b4 so i know what to expect la..but we already ran thru the procedures la..

oh wells..

but next week will be a torture cos of some people..i am SOOO doubtful that next week will be successful..moreover i'll expect the restaurant to be fully booked because of the Singapore Culinary Team coming to cook..

only thing i can do is to pray and hope things turn out well enuff..

*GOD save us*

2005-08-11T15:46:00.000+09:00

i am so bored..

wasn't given anything to do..so was browsing thru mtvs online..till peacock said he wanted the screaming sound effect like those what we saw tt time online abt the rollercoaster ride..

and so finally i found the right place and the right rollercoaster ride..but to my dismay..peacock said it didn't matter already..like wth?..

but nvm..then i kinda lost interest again..and was just stoning and finding pictures which COULD be of use for ting for her rest and relaxation part..

but damns...can't find any freaking pics la..idiotic computer..

*okay im kinda being more vulgar alr..mood ain't tt good..feel like going to jog/run later..*

can someone remind me to do just that?i always seem to find an excuse for me to just stone at home..it ain't good for me i know..so remind me to go run..if nt i'll be stoning again..

had NDP ytd..watched it at granny's wif the rest of the family..hmm..something happened and it got me thinking..

she's just so young..ain't even 12..but she already thinks this way..will she suffer next time when she goes into society?or will she succeed because of that?..

parentals find that its good in a way but if she goes too far or refuses to alter her ways, she will be bound to suffer sooner or later..

if it was me, i wouldn't even let her have the chance to do just tt..would have let her suffer now than for her to suffer later in society..am i thinking right?sometimes i feel i ain't fit to have kids in the future anyways..*hmphs!*

since she has already made such a name for herself at home, doesn't she knows that she's actually pissing people off with her attitude? i seriously ain't the right person for that though..just a few words from me and she'll go running to her parentals crying say that i bullied her..like wtf? i merely told her what she did is wrong and she tears? f*** mans!

*silence: wind blowing against the window..*

oh wells..enuff bantering..

ciaos!!

....words that are deep in me....

2005-08-08T07:19:00.000+09:00

been thinking alot these days..just can't seem to stop myself from thinking..

you could say that i've been reflecting alot on myself..the things i do or did..the people arnd me..the life that i am living right now..

don't think i could have gotten to who i am because of whatever tt happened last time..
i know i know..not nice to bring up those unhappy stuffs right? but just can't seem to let those memories go..i mean..with those memories n experience was how i became who i am today..

but then..should it have actually happened to me?i mean..it could have happened to ANYONE but it just had to be ME..i mean how unfair right?

but thinking about it from a very VERY positive side..i should be happy that it happened to me..can you imagine if it happened to perhaps a baby or a old person?..they would have been worse off than me right?..

and i also should be thankful that my condition wasn't the worse-off-case-kinda-scenario..what i had was considered peanuts compared to what were the possible and existing cases around the world ain't it?my life wasn't in danger..i just had a 'hiccup' in other words..people out there have it worse off..which means that their life is in danger and they had to take drastic measures.

so i guess i am grateful? but then..without this event happening,could i have been better than what i am now?would i have known who are those who really cares and are concerned about me? would i have been so confident of myself and be 'shamelessly' proud of myself? would i?

these questions will be left unanswered i am convinced of that..because these were just the possible scenarios that COULD have happened..but they didn't..

oh wells..it's just another penny for my thoughts.

k-ster-ing experience

2005-08-06T20:12:00.000+09:00

hahs..was a blast for ytd..hees..

went to school for first restaurant duty..was supposed to be captain for this week la..but because of CCN day, our restaurant closed for operation but of course..we ain't that lucky to escape from duty la..had to report for duty in the morning..

when we had roll-call, mr neo was caling our names..he came to mine and said:

"Pamela..he-oh.."

but thanks to my constant reminder in class, everyone knew that it was pronounced as: 'her'..so they said at the same time..

everyone: "it's her"

and then mr neo turned to me and..

mr neo: "so what's your dialect?"

me: " i'm actually korean"

mr neo(looked surprised): "really?!"

and then follwed the typical questions that everyone would ask me once they knew i was korean..e.g. "so you know how to speak korean?" , "you lived here the whole time?" , "who's the korean parent?" blah blah blah..

and then during the course of our practise session on the restaurant, the few of us talked about going to k-ster..which was planned the previous week after deployment exercise..

so after practise, which was arnd 11..we headed to lab to finish up the project and stuffs..only left campus at arnd 1+ to go k-ster at chinatown..

was a blast at k-ster..the first with the combo of ting x2, mi-mi-xiong-xiong, suting, same-name--a.k.a. pammie..jovi..suetx and of course two mystery guests which i shall not reveal who they are..hahas..was so enjoyable la..total coolness..will promise to patronise there more often with them if time permits..and its hell cheap la..like only 8 bucks for 5 hours of la-la-ing..

managed to reach home for dinner..yeps..skipped dinner-ing with the rest..next time bah!

ciaos!

: story of the Tree, Leaf & Wind :

2005-08-05T15:47:00.000+09:00

came across this story upon chance..
makes real sense too..
and it got me thinking if i was dumb to give it up?

enjoy!

The Story of Tree,Leaf and Wind

Tree

===

The reason I'm called tree is because I'm good at painting trees.

Overtime I start to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolors painting.

I have dated 5 gals when I was in Pre-U.

There's one gal who I love a lot but never dare go after her.

She doesn't have a pretty face, doesn't have a good figure, and doesn’t have outstanding charm.

She is just a very ordinary gal.

I like her.

I really like her.

Like her innocent, like her frankness.

Like her cuteness, like her intelligence and her fragility.

Reason for not going after her is because I felt somebody so ordinary like her is not a good match for me.

I'm also afraid that after we are together all the good feelings will vanish.

I'm also afraid other's gossips will hurt her.

I felt that if she's my gal, she will be mine ultimately & I don't have to give up everything just for her.

The last reason, made her accompany me for 3 years.

She watches me chase after gals, and I have made her heart cry for 3 years.

She wants to be a good actress and I'm a very demanding director.

When I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us.

She was embarrassed but smile & say "Go on!" before running off.

The next day, her eyes were swollen like a walnut.

I purposely didn't want to think about what causes her to cry but laugh at her the whole day.When everybody go back home, she was alone crying in the classroom.

She didn't know that I returned from soccer training to get something.

I watch her cry for an hour or so.

My 4th girlfriend didn't like her.

There was once when both of them quarreled.

I know that based on her character she's not the type that will start off the quarrel.

But I still sided with my girlfriend.

I shouted at her and her eyes were filled shocked.

I didn't care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend.

The next day, she still laugh & joke with me like nothing has ever happened.

I know that she's very hurt but she didn't know that my heart ache is as bad as hers.

When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out.

After going out for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her.

She told me that coincidentally, she has something to tell me too.

I told her about my break up and she told me about her getting together.

I know who the guy is.

He has been going after her for quite a while.

A very cute guy full of energy, lively and interesting.

His pursuit for her has been the talk ofthe school.

I can't show her my heart ache but could only smile & congratulate her.

When I reach home, the heart ache is so strong that I can't stand it.

It's like a heavy weighted stone on my chest.

I couldn't breath.

Wanted to shout but can't.

Tears rolled down & I broke down & cry.

How many times have I seen her cry for the man that doesn't acknowledge her presence too?During graduation, I read a sms in my hp.

It was send 10 days ago when I broke down and cry.

I haven't read it since then.

It says "Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"

Leaf

===

During Pre-U days, I like to collect leaves.

Why?

Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she has been relying on for so long it takes a lot of courage.

During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy.

Not BGR kind but as buddy kind.

But when he had his 1st girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy.

The sourness in the heart can't be described by using a lemon.

It's like 100 rotten sour lemons.

Sourness to the extreme limit.

They were only together for 2 months.

When they broke up, I hide my strong sense of happiness.

But after a month, he got together with another gal.

I like him & I know he like me.

But why won't he pursue me?

Since he loves me why he doesn't want to make the first move?

Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt.

Time after time, my heart was hurt.

I begin to suspect that this is a one sided love.

If he doesn’t like me, why does he treat me so well?

It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend.

Liking a person is very heart wrenching.

I can know his likes, his habits.

But his feelings towards me I can never figure out.

You can't expect me a gal to ask him right?

Despite that, I still want to be by his side.

Care for him, accompany him, and love him.

Hoping that one fine day, he will come & love me.

It's like waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me sms.

I know that no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me.

Because of this, I waited for him.

The 3 years were the hardest to go through & I really want to give up.

Sometimes, I wonder should I continue waiting.

The pain and hurt, the dilemma accompanies me for 3 years.

Till the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior begins to go after me.

Everyday he pursuit me relentlessly.

From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small footing in my heart.

He's like a warm & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree.

In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind a small footing in my heart.

I know this wind will bring this badly battered leave far away & better land.

Finally I left tree, but the tree only smile & didn't ask me to stay.”

Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay”

Wind

====

Because I like a gal called leaf.

Because she's so dependent on tree so I have to be a gust wind.

A wind that will blow her away.

When I first met her, it was 1 mth after I transfer to the new school.

I saw a petite person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer.

During ECA time, she will always be sitting there.

Be it alone or with her friends looking at him.

When he talks with gals there's jealousy in her eyes.

When he looked at her, there's a smile in her eyes.

Looking at her became my habit.

Just like she likes to look at him.

One day, she didn't appear.

I felt something was amissed.

I can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness.

The senior was also not there as well.

I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her.

Tears were in her eyes while he left.

The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him.

I walked over and smiled to her.

Took out a note & gave to her.

She was surprised.

She looked at me, smiled & accepts the note.

The next day, she appeared & pass me a note and left.

"Leaf's heart is too heavy and Wind couldn't blow her away."

"It's not that Leaf heart is too heavy.

It because Leaf never want to leave Tree."

I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls.

I know that the person she loves is not me.

But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me.

Within 4 months, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times.

Every time, she will divert away from the topic.

But I never give up.

If I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over.

I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her.

Although I know she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope.

Hoping that she will agree to me my girlfriend.

I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone.

I asked "what are you doing? How come you didn't want to reply?"

She said, "I'm nodding my head".

"Ah?"

I couldn't believe my ears.

"I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly.

I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rush to her place & press her door bell. During the moment when she opens the door.

I hugged her tightly.

Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit.

Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.

I am the wind, you are the leaf.

[ can i say i'm loving it? ]

2005-08-04T15:39:00.000+09:00

so fast and it is august already..been more than 2 months since sch started..
and exams are just round the corner..

did a simple make over with huiling today..totally coolness..
we managed to clinch a deal wif the phtographer to sell us the 'friends' pic we took for just 50 bucks for 80 pics..worth it right?
he will burn into cd format for us and mail us the stuffs in 5-7 working days..coolness..

totally love the make over i had..pity i didnt smile as much..first time ma..can't blame me la..

ling:i promise next time i smile more n much brighter okies?

will be looking forward to my anticipated full makeover when i hit 18..maybe if my mum will be generous enuff to sponsor me..hees..

*been thinking much about what COULD have happened to us..but no point saying tt now right?..guess i'm just plain dumb to have given up on us without even trying in the first place..

. . .projects are enuff to kill me i say. . .

2005-07-23T15:39:00.000+09:00

now..my whole life revolves around projects..

marketing, club spa n resort, applied research, service skills..that's four projects!

not to mention my personal assignments for etiquette n marketing case study..
i tell you it can kill me!!

been deployed to Merlion for service skills..hehs..kinda fun..the ppl there are bonkers..just like ting n myself..is one great experience tt will be of grat use to me too..

been rushing for this n that..
and gg to school seems just like a chore to me..

and sad to say!
sentosa is getting boring..no cute guys..no tanning sessions between lessons either..how boring can it get tell me?

unless you're talking about the subway guy n the andersen's guy..
apart from tt..my friends have nothing else to joke with me about..

how bad can it get?

*someone save me!!

2005-06-13T23:20:00.000+09:00

mumsie forced me to quit F&C..
said she wanted me to concentrate on studies instead..

told her i'll be fine n tt manager allowed me to work just weekends
but during hols gota make up for lost work la..

she didn't buy tt idea and still asked me to quit..
so yeps..

now im jobless wif just 500 bucks to my name..
how rich can i get?

ain't life just dainty?!

--school life is back--

2005-05-31T23:14:00.000+09:00

school..after almost two months of work..seems so distant..but i guarantee it to be fulfilling this sem..i am sure of it!

new campus at sentosa just absolutely rocks my socks!
the building's nice..the lect theatres are known as seminar rooms..how cool is that?..
our restaurant n kitchen have been uprooted during the hols and were planted in the new campus..looks pretty nice..only the space in the restaurant kinda small..but oh wells!

having new subjects like etiquette lessons..service skills..gona enjoy myself..also means tt hafta dress up n look good before leaving house each monday cos of etiquette lessons..but i don't mind..maybe cos i'm vain?..hahahs..

cheerios!!

..freshies galore..

2005-05-13T16:29:00.000+09:00

long awaited post!..

finally the FOC/FOW is here!!..was a blast having so many freshies turn up for the event..
managed to make many new friends..crapped many new stuffs..bonded stronger wif people..
throughly enjoyed myself..even with the misunderstandings n the oh-so-cmart-ideas tt we prog com could crap up at the last minute..hehs..was totally worth it la..and the jam n hop!
*phew* totally awesome!!!

will upload pics soon for people to enjoy..

ciao!

TP D&D

2005-04-10T17:23:00.000+09:00

D&D was a blast!..
was fabulous..thanks to everyone's hard work..it paid off guys!

went to hyatt in the afternoon to prepare stuffs..people were there when i reached..mum was nice enuff to drive me there..they attended the D&D too!..gees..touched by their support la..

D&D went smoothly..the host was great..he did an amazing job up there..not to forget khai too!..were an awesome duo..

changed out of our gowns later when everything ended n they decided to head for coffee club cos there were underaged ppl like me in the group..hahs..

chilled there n headed back to hotel..the guys got beer n wine to drink back at the hotel room..we girls took turns to shower while the rest outside played 'zhong ji mi ma'..was hilarious..wif the rest of the girls in the room kinda tipsy and all..hahs..i was the only one not drunk cos i got the least number of glasses of drink..hehs..

later the guys retired to their rooms..only khai stayed in ours..so he n stacie..stayed up n took pictures on the couch..hahs..funny sight it was..then stacie announced tt she wanted a bubblebath..or maybe a rose petal bath..hahs..left her in the tub to enjoy herself while khai n me went out to snooze..she added all the shower gel n foam she could lay her hands on la..

i kinda snoozed in n out..then woke up at 8 to prepare to go work..first day somemore..had only like 2-3 hours of slp?..hahahs..said good bye to jenna..n gracie was real nice to send me to the lift..thanks babe!

after work headed home n slept till dinner..bleahs

has the light died down?

2005-04-04T23:03:00.000+09:00

why don't i feel excited anymore?

has my passion for him died?

it has only been this long with only two dates to look back upon.

thought that he was gona be the last.

is it because i'm materialistic?

do i actually mind his looks?

thought i had already given it thought before anything.

or is it because of what wk said?

or is it because of his past and nature?

perhaps i can't accept his past?

or maybe its his habits that pisses me off?

*unsure of what to do*

thailand trip..

2005-04-02T23:42:00.000+09:00

finished my exams..which made me eligible for the trip to amazing thailand!!*kap-khun-ka!*

went there for uncle's marriage..was totally fabulous..people are friendly..place is nice..the nature is beautiful..what more do i ask?

did alota traveling to the various visitor spots..took alota pictures..stayed at three different hotels/resorts..so ultimate coolness..hehs..

bought lotsa stuffs..since the stuffs there so cheap..got a adidas sports bag n shoe bag..coolness..a bamboo bag..hair chopsticks..bubblegum..friendship bands..so many until i was sure my bag couldn't contain anymore..hehs..

will upload pictures soon enuff..

regret..that's what i'm feeling..

2005-03-14T22:53:00.000+09:00

it has been so long since i saw my grandad in korea..oh ok..and so one day we got a call from daddy in russia saying tt he just passed away tt night..

*silent*

then reality hit me!!
..

i haven't seen him fer so long..does he still remembers that he has a grand daughter like me?
we knew he hasn't been of good health recently but it's too soon already..
he didnt get to see me one last time..
how are we getting there?
do we leave now?
but its almost midnight..
is there availability of flight seats for the first flight out to korea?
are we supposed to pack now?
what are we bringing?
what should i bring?

*pauses*

WHAT ABOUT MY EXAMS?
IT'S STUDY WEEK!!!

*jolts back*

who cares about my exams?..most important is are we (all) leaving for the funeral?

its just amazing that all these questions actually could pop up in my mind all at the same time..the wonders of the brain huh?..i was totally dazed and at a loss..

i needed someone to talk to!! -was the first thing tt i could think of doing..

and so..i picked up my phone and msg-ed WD..he called me straight n told me he had gone thru it before..happened to his mum..told me to take it easy..dont think so much..

*guess i am really thankful tt i got to talk to him though..kinda relieved me in some ways*

and after talking to WD n my mum talking to my aunts..she asked me to log online immediately..which i did on the spot..checking for availability of seatings..

the two of us really pulled our hairs' ends because the SIA network being down and all the shit-y stuffs tt wasn't supposed to happened at the precise moment..damns..happens all the time doesn't it?

mum n me couldnt sleep the whole time..checking availability took up till 4 am..and packing took up another 2 hours..till arnd 6..had to cab to nearest atm to draw cash fer the trip..at the same time got some snacks to munch on once the kids got up n on the way to airport..

reached home n woke them up..showered n changed..everyone ready? we cabbed down to changi airport to catch the morning flight..kinda snoozed in the cab ride..couldnt take it la..reached changi airport n mum wanted the kids to makan..i made a call to kh n told him i'll be away because of this reason..he told me to hang in there..said tt i'll be fine..told him i believe him..

and so let's zoom forwards to the part when i reached korea..

reached incheon airport and got my first breath of korea after sooo long..felt great to be back..but then we had to rush to get on the coach to the train station which would then bring us to the station nearest to my grandad's hospital place..or should i say funeral place..was a mad world altogether..timing was so thankfully nice tt we managed to catch all rides in nick of time..
*thank god for that!*

on the way in the coach n train got to kinda snoozed again..so tt i'll be ready to stay up all the time during the wake..that's the most tt i could do isn't it?..finally reached the train stop n met with my uncle so he drove us to the place in his car..
---was raining..he's speeding..all of us were sad..can you imagine all that?..*its really heartbreaking*my heart still aches after so long..

and so we reached the place..attended the wake..saw my aunts..cried loads..couldn't eat loads...no appetite but they forced me to eat..no choice..

the next few days kinda zoomed in n out of it..didn't know what i was doing..was crying alot..guess my eyes swelled up..

after the whole funeral was done, stayed at my aunt's place..was great tt we managed to catch up and all..missed them loads..spent quality time with them too..the bond is just unimaginable..n realised tt my uncle actually is very nice..he's just shy n doesn't talk much..my aunt's lucky to have him..pity they ain't got any kids..we also got to visit one of the markets..kinda like a 'pasar malam' but in the morning..got to relive my childhood holidays in korea..everything arnd me seemed familiar..the scent..the sights..the people..the food..got to buy some snacks too..

the night before our departure they decided to drive us up to incheon airport..this way it gives us more time to spend in the car my uncle got..as so my aunt says..had a long drive up there..stopped along the way for toilet breaks and food too..the udon was delicious i say! my sis enjoyed it..so did i..carried on the way which totally exhausted my uncle i could see..but he was strong n said he's alright..one fine man he is..

reached the airport..was freezing cold outside..had smoke coming out of our mouths..first experience for me..then headed to check in..and had a hearty breakfast in one of the restaurants there..food was great..totally..

and then the time came for us to part..as always..totally miss them so..hugged them n said my sincerest good byes..couldn't bear to leave them and the place..

and so it kinda sums up my trip back to korea..so much for a trip huh?..

*i'll miss you loads*

---further---

2005-03-06T19:25:00.000+09:00

i wana see if me and him goes any further than just friends.

given a chance i want to try it out with him.

*thinks harder*

but will my parents object?

*reality check!*
then again,it's how i feel when i'm with him and not what my parents think isn't it?

but shouldn't i respect their views?

*heartfelt words*
but i really want to try it out.

he seems pretty nice and its almost as if opportunity really is knocking on my door..

-why me-

2005-01-27T19:20:00.000+09:00

why me?

there are other more beautiful girls out there.so much prettier.so much better.

why me?

perhaps in some ways he's like a friend of mine.his gf ain't tt pretty but he still loves her dearly.

you could probably say tt he appreciates what he has.

some times i do give it serious thinking, which occassionally gives me pangs of pain, guilt, remorse, and me ending up feeling worse than ever.

but i am sure that i have done what is right for me.

-i do not regret-

lotsa update-ies

2004-12-30T18:19:00.000+09:00

heys..been eons again since i last blogged..hahs..call me lazy but i don't care..

well..school has started about one month already..and yes..the projects and deadlines are starting to pile up yet (again!)..with three projects supposedly underway..namely comm skills, principle of management (a.k.a. POM), and travel tours n operations and with a macroeconomics portfolio also supposedly doing at the same time..

OH MY GAWD!!!..how to cope i ask?..time management i answer..
how to get time i ask again..stop blogging i answer..
hees..im being really lame lar kays?..

oh!..the sjcc D&D over liaos..and it was a blast!..hees..the play was finally put together and it went all so smooth..thanks to everybody's hard work!..

and i made alota new found friends through the mentorship programme..cool lars!..people coming from different places and being in tp at the same time.. there's paul.. jisi.. sky.. tony.. another tony.. and yet another tony.. winter.. michael.. mel..
and the mentors haf terence.. gladys.. linda.. melanie.. audrey.. alicia.. kai.. tracy.. adilah.. ash..and many more too...its just so cool..imagine you walking the hallway and saying hi to people almost every five steps you take..that's the amount of friends i know in school already..

well well well..x'mas is over..want me to update what INTERESTING things i did fer x'mas?..

well..firstly..i went shopping with HIM..for his x'mas shopping list..went to buy lotsa things i say..alll is he buy for his friends..and he didnt buy any for me!..*hUmPh*..

and i also helped him to decorate the x'mas cards..which i didn't recieve one either..*what the..*..

and for my BIG x'mas gift..i lost my hp while shopping wif HIM..like really *what the lars*..like got 300+ contacts inside lors..toopid bugger who stole my phone..*curses silently*..

and for another BIG x'mas gift..EVERYBODY went abroad to spend THEIR x'mas there..left poor me alone at home all by myself..so darn borin lors..but its good cos had some private time to myself..and mummy bought me stuffs too!..love ya mum-sies!..

on x'mas eve michelle came over to watch movies wif me..love ya gurl..dan she came back again the next day to finish up the last movie..and then we headed to WM to haf sakae sushi fer lunch..damn blardy crowded lors..the x'mas spirit..

dan after lunch i went to buy some chocs n sweets to wrap for leejeng's friends and the kids there..hahas..ehs..my wrapping skills improve liaos lors..

dan later at night went over to leejeng's friends place for a small little bbq with her friends and all..enjoyed myself alright...

now..the next upcoming projects i'm involved too is the coming OTC and the TPSU D&D..and yay!..im in the program com for OTC..yay!..
ooshh!...gam-ba-tte!...

and khai just msg me ask me to organise a committee to help in donating bottles of mineral water to the overseas people suffering from the tsunami n earthquake..oh man!..gam-ba-tte!...

well..wish me luck for the coming times in school and events kays?..
will update asap too!..

*missin him dreadfully*

big plans coming up?

2004-11-25T23:00:00.000+09:00

damn..i've not blogged since like eons ago..hees..

well..one thing i'm happy to say is..the musical for the sjcc D&D is going so good..can't believe i'm playing such a bitchy role..hahs..

another happy thing to say is that i'm involved in the tpsu D&D too!..hees..(grins widely..)

..n also..i saw his msn nick..managed to 'visit' his blog..read it and can't say that i am disappointed or something though cos wasn't really feeling anything..hahs..just that good that he's carrying on with life see?..(am i making sense here?)..

and damn..i am still awaiting man..no auto one him..hahas..

what is actually happening to us?..

2004-11-07T19:45:00.000+09:00

damn bloody gatherings..

don't get me wrong people..not that i don't enjoy them gatherings..but you see..being in a big family with lotsa relatives and all..being cousins and everyone..it's quite inevitable that problems and mis-understandings will arise right?..

and so it always happens as it always did and most probably will continue happening till someone actually puts a stop to all these things..my lil bro just had to be the one kena from mumsie..kinda unfair right?..hahs..

but one thing..didn't know i side my brother soo much until i speak up for him luhs..but anyways..back to the topic..

like ever since the introduction of computers into our house..the weekly family gatherings are not even a time for bonding for the lil' ones..call me too worried or whatever.i don't really care..but ain't gatherings su'pose to be time where everyone actually asks about one another?..about how their week was?..any problems they encountered?..

or maybe that kinda talk is just my kind of imagination?..i really don't know..anyways..how i feel now is that our family has somehow been drifting apart..not direct family but the extended family..being my cousins and all..

okay..so much for me being the eldest..its wierd for me to suddenly join in with my younger cousins and go like: "heyas..how's life?...".. like DUH!...they don't even spend that much amount of time outside of school as much as me so how can i ask them this right?..

okays..so i'm taking it from the outsider kinda view..the kind that wa-wa would probably be seeing from since she recently joined our family..being Augustine's girlfriend and all..i feel that between us cousins we don't spend that much time together and all..

sad case huh?..but guess its kinda inevitable being with the growing economy and people lives improves and expectations in life increases kinda stuffs..the load of crap that is..if this is the way how life will continue to be when i grow up..us cousins drifting further and further away..i'ld rather we be locked up in some kind of secluded world than to continue living here with the growing different expectations and all..

i'm thinking now...if we do continue to behave in this way for the next ten years or so..would matters be worse and go to an extent whereby us cousins won't even say 'hi' when we see each other on the streets?..would we behave as if we don't know each other because we didn't spend enough time together when we are growing up?..

but can the children be blamed for this since they are only kids?..or should the parents be blamed when family matters actually get out of hands?..mumsie said that it's the parents responsibility to bring up the children in the right way when they are growing up..

do parents actually spend enough time with their kids?..for my cousins' case..both their parents are working and they are being cared for by their maids..a.k.a. ma-ma..like: hello!..that ain't your mother!..and know what?..in one of my cousins' family..i feel that their maid are given a higher authority than their mother itself..like hello!..she's just a maid you know?..

i'm thinking..do parents actually believe that bringing up their kids with money will work in the long run?..won't the kids be apart from their parents?..meaning they don't actually know each other as well as those kids whose parents actually take time to spend with...

i don't mean to sound mean or whatever the feeling's called..i kinda feel that in terms of closeness..i would think that my family is closer compared to my other cousins'..and you know what?...i pity them cousins not being able to spend more time with their parents and all..

....am i making sense here? i don't know..but writing this out does makes me feel better and hopefully able to sleep better at least for tonight..

well..that's just my penny of thoughts...so much for a penny huh?..

2004-10-26T12:29:00.000+09:00

okay..confession time!

no..i didn't get to do my hair..

no..i haven't got over the new him..

no..i still haven't got a job yet..

yes..i went down to billy bombers but didn't recieve any calls..

and yes..i went to re-do my specs..its in green..(nette's fav color..*hees..)

and yes..i truly enjoyed myself at the chalet..

the chalet that day totally rawks!..never stayed up so damn bloody late..or should i say early?!..hahas..really..seriously!?...it does really rawks..it will bring really pretty memories for me..

..*damn!*..miss them already..hahas...with raine shouting at almost every single thing and us shouting back at her to keep it down..us playing polar bears and the whole village sleeping..playing mahjong and limin teaching me n jeff how to play while playing the game herself..me n amanda trying real hard to keep awake by finding the similar pieces of mahjong..hahas..

talking about amanda..thanks aman,doreen n nette for buying the real pretty n sweet pouch for that time of the month!..hahas..thanks a million girls..love you 5 to bits n pieces..

so back to the topic..

at the chalet..not only our class people turned up..some of our members' other halves were there as well..not that i don't approve of it or anything..i mean its cool having them there at the chalet anyways..

just that seeing them couples together makes me wonder if i have missed out on my own opportunities..but then again..thinking back that i didn't miss him or even thought about him reassures me that i DID made the right choice..

and no worries since i'm still damn bloody young..still many chances i guess..

and got the news that i am selected to be in the planning committee for the TPSU D&D..hahas..how many D&Ds am i gona be involved in?..but its good..cos i wana be involved you see?..

and sad thing..the first meeting for the TPSU D&D is like on my b'day lars..damn bloody..but its cool..i'm fine..

so guess i will just end it here..

and please~?..can i have a memorable b'day?..for this year?..

2004-10-13T03:52:00.000+09:00

*siGhS..

lots have happened since i last blogged..'he' asking for patching up..me falling for yet 'HIM'..and crazy about 'HIM'..thinking about 'HIM'..wishing i can see 'HIM'..going to the lounge just to see 'HIM'..and people making fun of me n 'HIM' together..

am i going nuts about 'HIM'?..oh god..i'm at it yet again..'HE' just seems so nice.gentlemanly.friendly.warm.sincere..it just doesn't seem as though 'HE' is what i have heard of..

a friend of mine..told me something about 'HIM' which happened to her friend..and it just seems totally impossible..and out-of-the-world thingy..for me..i feel that because i have not ssen it before..i will not bear that kind of judgement against 'HIM'..it would be unfair if that wasn't the truth..not that i don't believe my friend's friend..i trust her..but i just haven't seen it for myself..

and maybe i could just hold a bit of hope that if we do get together..i could change 'HIM'..

and maybe that's why suet says i'm going nuts..

and maybe i agree with her cos i have never seen myself act so crazy before..apart from the trip last time with my choir to perth australia..cos the guy at the MaC counter looks just absolutely to-die-for..

and maybe i can just stop using the word..cos this virus is just spreading to everyone i know..

cos maybe even my mum is affected by this virus..

and maybe i'm going to do my hair..like maybe later in the day or maybe tomorrow..

and maybe i might go down to jp for billy bom-bom interview..

cos maybe i need the extra cash to buy whatever i want..

and i should end it here..if not..even the com would get this virus..

i just cant help myself from thinking about 'HIM'..
it's so unfair..

*..i aM wAiTiNg..sTiLL wAiTiNg..WiLL bE wAiTiNg..*

so touching..gosh!..(copy from suet's blog though..)..lols..

2004-09-04T14:37:00.000+09:00

saY:

If you see me walking the road with someone else

It's not because I like his company

Its because you're not brave enough to walk beside me.

If you hear me talking about him all the time

Its not because he pleases me

Its because you're too deaf to hear my heartbeat

If you feel me falling with someone new

Its not because I love him

Because you're not there to catch me fall

If you feel lost, I too am nowhere

I too don't know where the road is going

Are we gonna cross each other's path

Or just completely turn around?

Will we just let go of what we had

Or go to the place where love is bound

Don't let me walk with him

It's you I want to walk with

Don't let me talk of him

It's you I want to talk with

Don't let me fall for him

It's you I want to fall in love with.

rEply:

When you thought I wasn't brave enough to walk beside you

I was behind you every step of the way

Still filled with awe because of the beauty that stands before me

When you thought I was too deaf to hear your heartbeat

I didn't want to assume anything

And I was afraid to lose our friendship

When you thought I wasn't there to catch you

It was because you never gave me the chance

You never reached the bottom, you've already grabbed a branch

If you feel like you are nowhere,

I too am lost

I too don't know where the road is going

Are we just going to turn around,

Or are we gonna cross each other's path?

Will we just let go of what we had

Or go to the place where love is bound?

Don't let me walk alone

I want to walk by your side

Don't let me talk of something else

It's you I want to talk with

Don't let me fall for someone else

It's you I want to fall in love with.

WHEN I SAW YOU...

I WAS AFRAID TO TALK TO YOU...

WHEN I TALKED TO YOU...

I WAS AFRAID TO HOLD YOU...

WHEN I HOLD YOU...

I WAS AFRAID TO LOVE YOU...

NOW THAT I LOVE YOU ...

I'M AFRAID TO LOSE YOU...

SOMETIMES LOVE HURTS...

BUT IF IT DOESN'T HURT...

THEN IT ISN'T LOVE...

HOLD ON TO THE PERSON U LOVE...

BEFORE THEY SLIP AWAY...

OR ELSE U CAN NEVER GET THEM BACK...

I WAS BORN WHEN YOU KISSED ME...

AND I DIED WHEN YOU LEFT ME...

BUT I LIVED FOR THE TIMES U LOVED ME...

UNTIL THERE WAS YOU,

I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP...

WHILE I HAD YOU,

I FELL ASLEEP WITH A GENTLE SMILE ON MY FACE...

BEFORE I LOST YOU,

I WORRIED MY SELF TO SLEEP...

NOW THAT I KNOW UR GONE,

I SIT UP AT NIGHT,

WAITING FOR U TO COME BACK...

so touching..aiyos..*sobs*..

to put it in simple terms..

2004-09-02T02:12:00.000+09:00

so much had happened within such a short time frame..seems just like a passing scene to me..maybe 10 / 20 / 30 years down the road..i wouldn't even rmber about this..*flashbacks*..

For a long time in my heart i noe, u r the one for mi. i will never let u go coz i love you so. And i thx God for a gift like you N learn to cherish u with love.
21:24:47
24-08-2004

*zaps*..it seemed so good & nice but the problems(can it be called problems?..)..started soon enough..firstly was how i felt..*wanders*..

here in the train, i see couples standing together. why do they look so compatible together? i somehow find that me & 'him' do not look good together. its as if we don't compliment each other. why is that so? isn't a woman in love supposed to feel happy? aren't i supposed to feel confident that we'll last? but i just can't bring myself to even think of the future together. sometimes i feel pestered by 'him'. why is that so? why do i feel so passive about us? the problem doesn't lie with 'him'. guess it has to do with me. come to think of it, i somehow feel as if there might be a possibility between A & me. come to think of it, i feel A & me would look so much better together compared to 'him'. am i wavering already? it hasn't even been 3 days! have i made a bad choice by agreeing? sometimes i really don't feel like talking to 'him'. it's as if i have to tell 'him' where and what i'm doing constantly. come to think of it, now in this point in time,single life so totally rawks. if this is what being part of a couple is like, i'ld rather stay single. being single seems like a much much better choice to me now. i can be free, enjoy my new life, make more friends without constraints, hangout with friends without feeling guilty about how little time i'm spending with 'him'. do whatever i want without a care for the world.

26-08-2004

then came what he feels..*flashbacks*..

Anyway i don't seem important. you dun miz me. hardly sms mi. i sick then u like no concern. i'm ya bf ley. me wan send u hm also hard. me understand u r trying to adapt..but u treat me worse than we stead. sorry mi sick..tats y say out these things. Nt wan you pity me.

23:27:38

26-08-2004

..*awakens*..since that's what he said..*ting!*..

guess you're right about me trying to adapt.i truly am..and yes..without you reminding me i noe that i've been 'cold' to you..and i was concerned about you ytd but i didn't want my mum to see me constantly at my hp..if i continue to do so,she'll suspect and my bill will truly hit the roof..telling you frankly..i'm now apprehensive about us..not that its ur part or anything but i think it has to do with myself..guess i'm still unready and unsure..sometimes i do think if it was best that i didn't agree..friends told me not to think this way but i can't help it..i really can't..i've told myself that it'll be fine but now it turns out to be otherwise.

27-08-2004

..there wasn't any intention of breaking up because those words were just what i felt deep down inside..but he assumed that i initiated the break-up..*ponders*..

Thanks for the chance. thanks for caring for me.our fate to be lovers end here. bye. it's ok. i accept it as a guy.

27-08-2004

*zaps*..since he thinks this way..i could not careless to call or msg him to tell him that i wasn't hinting at a break up..but i was just saying my feeling..but i cant careless so i just left it as that..didn't want to complicate things even worse..dno if he thinks that i'm such a bitch..playing his feelings..bt that's what i'm feeling..up to him to think..now..singlehood still rawks!can look at shuai guys and dn nidta care about anyone..who gives a damn!?..

i'll let love look for me..i'll take a backseat and play ear by ear with life..

new life..new chances..new opportunities..

2004-08-15T20:04:00.000+09:00

today's..the birth of my blog~!..yea!...
decided to create one after much though..yea..
so pardon me people for the lagging photos or anythings yea?..
will keep on update my blog yea?..tc people..n peace outx..