At 11:51 PM on
Saturday, November 04, 2006
"what to do after my poly"
that's what's been on my mind recently.
i want to study.
but fees are expensive, locally in s'pore and overseas.
but overseas' options are better cos there's more choices.
i want to work.
i love the feeling of being of service to people and making them happy and contented.
it makes me happy to see them happy.
i want to try out the different working areas that i can venture into.
restaurants.bars.clubs.hotels.airlines.cruise.
i want to learn salsa and finish it.
i want to learn singing professionally.
i want to continue my choir passion.
there's so many things i wanna do but i have to make up my mind soon don't i?
i want to travel the world.
i want to see sights that are absolutely beautiful.
i want someone to share these with me.
i have goals in mind that i wish i can stick to attaining them.
goals that are not based solely on my decisions.
goals that are altered with each step i take and each decision i make.
goals that maybe my parents think i must be mad to take.
goals that my parents would think i'm too fast to think about.
ladies and gentlemen, i think we all can guess what it is now don't we?
marriage.
but first, let's settle the education and career first shall we?
initially i thought i would want nothing else than to work in korea.
but after coming here and facing the problems that i had faced,
i'm apprehensive about my choice.
it's not about coming here for internship or not.
but my decision of going into the hotel line so fast.
i know i've always been telling friends that i see myself working in a hotel in the future as a stable and fixed job.
but now, i'm having doubts about my decision.
i'm having doubts if this is even the right job for me.
i always had the illusion that when i finish my poly, i would want to work.
education was a second option for me, then.
now, the question of education is right before me.
should i or shouldn't i?
i want more for myself but wouldn't i be selfish if i did take it up?
it's gona be another 2-3 years of study.
and if i do study, its most probably gona be overseas.
overseas.
life overseas is good.
maybe because i'm staying with my cousins.
and not some foreign person who i can't communicate with.
but i miss home.
i confess i'm not someone who can stay away from home long.
local uni don't offer the varied choices that i can get overseas.
then again, why do i wana study uni?
for the certificate?
for the sake of studying?
for making my parents feel relieved?
for myself?
for the better pay that comes with the certificate?
i hate this feeling.
the feeling of coming to a closure soon.
but not knowing where i'm going to proceed on after this lapse.
the feeling of not having a decision already about what i will do after this lapse.
i had this feeling when i was deciding for my internship.
but the decision was quick and easy and decisive which didn't leave me any time to think about it anymore.
but now,
i feel lost and i hate the feeling.
i feel like a bouy in the ocean with no anchor and not seeing any land or ship.
it's just an open endless ocean that i'm seeing.
i hate this feeling. in LOVE,
pr social butterfly pam