an announcement
At 9:10 PM on
Saturday, November 25, 2006
i wish that it was just a dream.
i'm starting to hate the working place.
there are people i really love at work.
but it's the environment that seriously sucks like hell.
i don't know if it's just the environment here in korea or it's the hotel environment on the whole.
everyday i'm trying to cope..
-mind you, i've been doing that since day 1.-
with the language.
with the limits of my working ability.
being away from home and family.
being alone here.
going out alone.
shopping alone.
the freezing-ass-ed weather-that's-becoming-worse-everyday.
going for coffee at dunkin donuts alone.
heading to the market alone.
i hate this place.
or rather.
i hate this period.
after being here for 2 months odd.
i've done lots of thinking.
topic 1: hotel line and me.
left brain (lb) says: you really made a wrong decision girl. hotel is not for you. just look at how you dread work almost everyday.
right brain (rb) says: but, you're only thinking this way because you're alone here, the weather's not very good for you, you're having difficulties with the language and understanding. c'mon. you'll get pass it.
lb says: BUT~! so what if you go back to singapore? do you think you would enjoy hotel line back there too? just look at how it is in here already. it would be the same back home.
rb says: please stop brainwashing her! she's doing fine so stop putting her down.
me : -says nothing and tries to shut the voice(s) that's speaking-
rb says: c'mon pam. it's been 2 months odd already. just less than half the time left here and you'll be back home.
lb says: shut up! she should start thinking about her future. hotel line is so not for you. you're obviously not enjoying yourself, so why torture yourself further next time?
rb says: so let her think about it back home! what's your problem?
me : ok! shut up you two!
-silence-
me: -sighs and tells myself that i will be alright but not believing a single word i just told myself.-
topic 2: opportunity costs.
lb says: look pam. you've done so much, given up so much, giving up so much, torturing yourself so much, whatever for pam? you could have just gotten the placement back home. instead, you went ahead with so much trouble to get yourself into this mess. and what for? you're not enjoying and taking in, learning what you could have if you're back home.
rb says: oh boy. here we go again. lb, shut up. pam, listen. you've tried so hard to get this placement on your own and you know how much this means when you go look for a job next time. when people know that you secured it yourself, it would mean alot and it also makes you look independent.
lb says: but so what? when she's told people she secured the placement herself, they don't react as if she's really good and all. it's almost natural that she secured it herself. what's the big deal? everyone else secured the placement themselves too. they had interviews and then got the job. so what?
rb says: ya. but even so, next time when she goes for job interviews, it's gona come out so good on her.
lb says: so? she gave up so much just to come here and what does she get? a few korean words, some nice colleagues, good korean food, not many good looking korean guys, horrible weather, and occasional shopping sprees?
rb says: but it's the exposure that counts you ass! imagine how much she'll learn through this experience.
lb says: ya. when back home she could have 1. been involved with SU. 2. with family and friends. 3. done what she really loves, planning for d&d and camps. 4. go for shopping trips with people she's familiar with, nice colleagues at work.
rb : -nothing to say because it is a fact.-
me : ok. that's it. shut up (again) you two.
ok. that's it.
let me announce that i hereby
regret my decision. in LOVE,
pr social butterfly pam