to put it in simple terms..
At 2:12 AM on
Thursday, September 02, 2004
For a long time in my heart i noe, u r the one for mi. i will never let u go coz i love you so. And i thx God for a gift like you N learn to cherish u with love.
21:24:47
24-08-2004
*zaps*..it seemed so good & nice but the problems(can it be called problems?..)..started soon enough..firstly was how i felt..*wanders*..
here in the train, i see couples standing together. why do they look so compatible together? i somehow find that me & 'him' do not look good together. its as if we don't compliment each other. why is that so? isn't a woman in love supposed to feel happy? aren't i supposed to feel confident that we'll last? but i just can't bring myself to even think of the future together. sometimes i feel pestered by 'him'. why is that so? why do i feel so passive about us? the problem doesn't lie with 'him'. guess it has to do with me. come to think of it, i somehow feel as if there might be a possibility between A & me. come to think of it, i feel A & me would look so much better together compared to 'him'. am i wavering already? it hasn't even been 3 days! have i made a bad choice by agreeing? sometimes i really don't feel like talking to 'him'. it's as if i have to tell 'him' where and what i'm doing constantly. come to think of it, now in this point in time,single life so totally rawks. if this is what being part of a couple is like, i'ld rather stay single. being single seems like a much much better choice to me now. i can be free, enjoy my new life, make more friends without constraints, hangout with friends without feeling guilty about how little time i'm spending with 'him'. do whatever i want without a care for the world.
26-08-2004
then came what he feels..*flashbacks*..Anyway i don't seem important. you dun miz me. hardly sms mi. i sick then u like no concern. i'm ya bf ley. me wan send u hm also hard. me understand u r trying to adapt..but u treat me worse than we stead. sorry mi sick..tats y say out these things. Nt wan you pity me.
23:27:38
26-08-2004
..*awakens*..since that's what he said..*ting!*..guess you're right about me trying to adapt.i truly am..and yes..without you reminding me i noe that i've been 'cold' to you..and i was concerned about you ytd but i didn't want my mum to see me constantly at my hp..if i continue to do so,she'll suspect and my bill will truly hit the roof..telling you frankly..i'm now apprehensive about us..not that its ur part or anything but i think it has to do with myself..guess i'm still unready and unsure..sometimes i do think if it was best that i didn't agree..friends told me not to think this way but i can't help it..i really can't..i've told myself that it'll be fine but now it turns out to be otherwise.
27-08-2004
..there wasn't any intention of breaking up because those words were just what i felt deep down inside..but he assumed that i initiated the break-up..*ponders*..Thanks for the chance. thanks for caring for me.our fate to be lovers end here. bye. it's ok. i accept it as a guy.
27-08-2004
*zaps*..since he thinks this way..i could not careless to call or msg him to tell him that i wasn't hinting at a break up..but i was just saying my feeling..but i cant careless so i just left it as that..didn't want to complicate things even worse..dno if he thinks that i'm such a bitch..playing his feelings..bt that's what i'm feeling..up to him to think..now..singlehood still rawks!can look at shuai guys and dn nidta care about anyone..who gives a damn!?..
i'll let love look for me..i'll take a backseat and play ear by ear with life..
in LOVE,
pr social butterfly pam