At 1:07 AM on
Thursday, February 01, 2007
been meeting up with friends.out till late.
things have been not going according to what i had in mind.
i know there's some people reading my blog who i seriously don't know them.
this is my own blog.
don't use my thoughts and put them into your own words and use them against me.
this is unfair.
my thoughts are solely mine.
and they are not to be used by you in any certain or uncertain way.
they aren't supposed to be interpreted by you and made into words.
if you were an interpreter then you would have had a job now wouldn't you?
ah.
problems.
they make you weak.
but after it's over.
they only make you stronger.
on alighter and more happier note~!
only 17 days to CNY!
so excited!
am going shopping this weekend with mum and all for CNY...woots!
and! only 13 days to v day...
hmm..
what should i get? -ponders-
first, there's a primary school gathering tmr at heeren.
then i have a presentation on friday at sentosa.
followed by dinner with my girls.
then, chalet next friday and saturday.
and! i have to do my research for contemp issues of h&t.
should get it over and done so i can enjoy myself proper.. in LOVE,
pr social butterfly pam
holiday
At 10:31 PM on
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
and then guess what?
of all luck..
my laptop decided to take a long vacation too..
the damn bloody laptop broke down!!
and i couldn't get the lenovo people in seoul cos my cousin was busy.
so she told me to bring it down to busan and get them lenovo people here to repair it for me.
but upon coming here.
my aunt called the lenovo company.
they said that they won't do the repair and ask me to bring it back to singapore and repair it there.
what the hell!?
fine!
they asked for it!
lenovo~
you guys in singapore better watch out!
i am so gonna screw your asses inside-out-upside-down.
better yet.
i give you all a count down date to look forward to.
what for you ask?
so that you all at the call company can prepare what to say to me when i call you up.
better make it good or all hell would break loose.
let's say..27th jan?
in the afternoon then.
oh. you don't work saturdays?
better still.
monday then.
i would have rested enough and have more than sufficient pent up anger to break it all out.
-curses in korean-
anyways.
moving on to a happier topic.
i'm having my holiday!
now at my aunt's house.
so i'm blogging from her place.
most probably won't be updating frequently since it's not my own laptop.
but i'll be taking pictures.
then when i reach home or something
hopefully i'll be able to upload it all up and crap all about it.
things planned for busan:
- prayers atop hill for my grandparents.
- sight seeing.
- family visiting at one of the islands.
- shopping :electrical appliances eg. digital camera.mp3... shoes.perfumes.colognes.skincare.
and!!
lots and lots of eating!!!
but! have to watch it shouldn't i?
don't want me to waste my efforts in losing weight since 4 months aights?
and and and!
i dyed my hair in seoul before coming here.
so contented with the colour can?
i think i look damn pretty.
and with the contacts i got too.
wahahah.
i'm gonna stun all them busan fellas.
till my next update then..
take cares ya'll. in LOVE,
pr social butterfly pam
At 11:40 PM on
Friday, January 05, 2007
i promise. -crosses fingers-
i will bug and bug my mum for me to learn. in LOVE,
pr social butterfly pam
ugly-fied
At 11:18 PM on
Thursday, January 04, 2007
man time flies.
i sure bet i'll miss them people here at hilton.
just now while playing pinball on my laptop,
i suddenly realise what has been bothering me so much.
maybe the past couple of days.
or maybe only for the past couple of hours before realisation hit me.
i felt un-beautiful.
hahs.
as cheesy as it may sound.
i think of the girls in korea here.
though dressed in coats and jackets,
you can still see their jeans and heels.
thin legs with skinny fitted jeans to complement their long legs.
and heels to pair them up and make their legs look much more lean.
then i look at my outfit.
jeans.
and running shoes.
why i don't wear them boots that my mum told me to bring here cos after one whole day of standing in heels, i'ld prefer and choose with my eyes closed for comfortable shoes that i can walk properly and not limp.
enough about shoes.
hair.
nicely styled hair that look like they just stepped out of a salon.
pretty curls.
dyed hair.
highlights.
then i look at my reflection in the glass window of the subway,
hair tied back with the chopstick cos during work i have to bun my hair,
and my hair being tied up in the bun for 9 hours, the hair of mine naturally curl ugly-ly.
so what to do but pull it up in a bun to conceal the fact that i'm only doing it because my hair isn't straight enough to let it down as how i like it.
enough about hair.
clothes.
them girls have pretty clothes and though it's freezing assed right now when outside, they can still tolerate the cold and wear a nice tee, short jacket over it and occasionally have a long coat outside the ensemble.
and skirts.
them korean lasses sure do fight with the weather here.
they can tolerate the freezing cold with a black stocking/legging and a denim/tweed skirt over.
no more.
gees. i really 'pei4 fu2' them.
enough about clothes.
now about me.
i feel so out of place.
so odd.
so ugly.
so un-beautiful.
i don't know why i'm even typing this out.
every word i typed just ate away that part of me that's so boldly strong and self-confident.
i hate putting myself down.
i hate comparing myself to others.
i hate being critical of myself. in LOVE,
pr social butterfly pam
At 8:42 PM on
Monday, December 25, 2006
kinda like a quarterly staff party of sorts for front desk.
so we headed to grand hilton for their buffet dinner.
man. it's fabulistic can?
i don't mind bringing my dad there for dinner if he comes over in january.
then after the sumptous dinner we had bowling.
haha.
after so long not bowling, my skills seriously down the drain.
- no pun intended-
so ma-lu la! kena drain so many times.
wahah.
anyways.
this post is dedicated after i read miss woo wenqi's post about otc.
firstly, miss woo!
the videos cannot load up one leys...can check again?
it's probably the first time in maybe almost 2 months that i am thinking back on so much about programme memories. the thought about everyone having fun for otc is seriously cool. that is the best scenario i can hope for anyway. but then realising that i am not there to experience it for myself made me feel so....
empty.
voided.
pitless.
passion-less.
worth-less.
i really should have fought hard in the first place.
i can't understand why i didn't do so in the first place.
reading wenqi said that this year prog is really rocking, just made it worse.
not that it's anything against you wenqi.
but it's just the feeling that came out of it.
i mean.
prog is my life.
i was just thinking about it i think 2 nights ago.
i really should have forced myself in singapore.
after this year, there will be no other opportunities for me to do the same thing that i love to do.
even if i join some uni and get involved in the SU, things would definately be different.
the people.
the feeling.
the environment.
the style.
i realy wanna join the committee.
but how can i go about asking?
i mean, the newbies might find that abit over-board i guess.
you know, like some girl come back and then suddenly get place in the comm without any questions.
and! if i join prog committee, what about the current prog heads?
i want to be involved too.
but i don't know how to go about asking.
shit.
i'm dreading this feeling.
the same feeling that made me think that i regret my decision.
I WANT IN!!
i wanna be in.
if some kind soul out there who happens to read this post,
please let people in the comm know about this.
i really don't know how to go about asking anyone about this matter.
i've been putting this matter off till now.
time is running short.
i'm returning home soon.
i know i wanna be involved.
the sleepless nights.
the endless screaming and shouting.
the numerous laughing, gossiping, chatting, prata-ing sessions i would have.
the late nights showers, even in the boys' room.
the apparently-and-obviously-sleep-deprived-woman is still willing to give up all that to be in the comm.
i don't know how to put it
but i really want it.
i know there's really nothing i can do about it.
except write about it.
i would be so bloody thick-skinned if i asked wouldn't it?
wenqi!
how? in LOVE,
pr social butterfly pam
recent discovery after 3 months here.
At 9:47 PM on
Monday, December 18, 2006
but if i use it then it'll be superly charged. no point ehs? might as well stick to my korea phone.
and it was all because i wanted to try and transfer photos i have on my korea phone to the singapore one. after turning on the K601I, i waited for the korea phone to turn on and find the pictures and tried to send them over.
but the stupid korean phone needed some certification code or what shit. bah-hum-bug..
then i had to turn off the singapore phone. that was when i realised that i can receive signal. instead of the usual SGP GSM whatever thing you people see back home on your phone, what i see is GUROIMX and Singtel.
ahaha. and to think the stupid phone lady said i can't use it here. what the hell...
but oh wells. not like i'll die if i cant use. i'll just need to crack my brain to find a way somehow to transfer my photos on the phone to the K601I. so i can take pictures with ppl at work with the phone and still be able to save them somehow before i go back to singapore.
anyways. christmas is coming.
been greeting guests upon check out "merry christmas" and i got very positive replies back to me too!!
so happy to see guests leave with a big smile on their faces.
absolutely love it.
which reminds me why i chose this line.
and we also wear some sort of christmas deco on our uniforms.
you know the kind of deco...
i got it! christmas wreath..is that how you spell it anyway?
i swear my spelling and typing skills have de-proved since coming to korea man. ahha.
so back to the wreath.
we wear a miniature version of it above our name tags. (will take a pic of it when i can)
of course. i don't have my name proudly spelt out though i would really much like it to.
i am currently and have been known to guests as trainee.
so some fed-ex captains would make fun of me and say that i have an interesting last name and that many other people share the same family name as me. haha.
so nice people i see at work. (at times)
not gona be working for x'mas eve but for x'mas day.
i think it's a good thing cos many korean people will be checking in on x'mas eve.
even if i worked, i wouldn't be able to help much anyways.
not gona be working on new year's eve too!
but don't know about my schedule from january onwards..
and stupid shit.
i will be starting the afternoon to night shift again from next week onwards.
so stupid la.
i dont want to change shifts now.
cos i like the morning shift seniors.
and i have the super nice supervisor in the morning as well..
and you know what's good?
i can go for coffee or shopping after i finish the morning shift.
that's what good!!
so what if i sleep lesser than when i work the afternoon shift?
i enjoy work better in the morning shift and time seems to fly faster in the morning too.
i start work at 7.
do group allotment till 7 plus or 8.
then do SQ key cos they would be checking in around 0830.
after checking in SQ, i would do the tour group key and breakfast coupons till about 9.
then from 9, i'll start total night audit for the previous day which would be until 1030 or 11.
then after that i slack and stand on watch outside at the front desk helping out the seniors till about 1130 or so before i go for lunch till about 1230 or 1300.
then when i go back up to front desk i would go buy the stamps for the letters and postcards.
then after that i would just slack around till about 1430 helping out and going back into the office to sit down and have a cup of coffee.
because there is the shift hand over briefing from 1420 to about 1440.
after the shift hand over, i would go back into the office and set up the tables for the seniors' cashier closing.
envelopes, staplers, pens.
then when the seniors come in the tally their cashier stuffs, i can just slack around till they're done and then after a short de-briefing by the in-charge, we officially knock off.
and yea!
change and maybe go for coffee or donuts.
so that's a short intro of the morning shift i work.
can't wait for christmas!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!! in LOVE,
pr social butterfly pam
phobias galore
At 5:16 PM on
Sunday, December 10, 2006
then thought about compiling mine since young to now.
here it goes.
when i was young, mum said i had Pediophobia. i didn't believe her of course. because when she told me, i simply loved dolls too much to believe what she said. but now, i've out grown of this phobia and am back to loving dolls like almost every other girl.
then when i attended school,
i thought, how come i can't suffer from Didaskaleinophobia or Scolionophobia. so i would have a valid excuse to not attend school then. ahah.
since young, everytime we ate out, it also had to happen.
then i knew that i suffered from Ailurophobia or Elurophobia or Felinophobia or Galeophobia or Gatophobia. i simply hated them everytime they passed our table or under the chairs. man. eww. even till now.
mum also told me that i had Pharmacophobia when young because everytime i had to, i would scream like there's no tomorrow and my grandpa would be so angry because of me too. but now cos medicine is all in tablets form except for the bloody cough mixture. so i'm all good too.
sometimes, i would suffer from Hemophobia or Hemaphobia or Hematophobia. seeing blood especially in big amounts than just a cut or scratch might send me abit nauseas and feel like fainting. most recent incident? four or five years ago when i had to do a blood test because of the myastimia gravis i suffered then.
seeing two tubes of blood being drawn out of me by the doctor..oh my god.
since secondary school, i realised i suffer from Acrophobia or Altophobia or Hypsiphobia. never really fancied the fact of heights or of that sorts. now, as long as there something for me to hold on to when i'm high up, or i'm in a room, then it's normally ok.
also, i always knew that i had minor Demophobia or Agoraphobia or Enochlophobia or Ochlophobia. i never enjoyed crowded places anyways. prefered the quiet places to crowded ones.
also, i'm abit of a Claustrophobia.
occassionally in secondary school, i would have Glossophobia. occasionally i would suddenly feel scared and frightened. but now, that's out grown too.
Hydrophobia too. whenever we walked into an aquarium, i would feel so insecure and want to just get out of the place asap. didn't like the feeling of all the fishes around me and tanks filled with water.
and then, why can't i suffer from Obesophobia or Pocrescophobia. which would probably be a stupid thing anyways.
so there! that's all the phobias i can think of that i had or have.
Meanings:
- Pediophobia - Fear of dolls.
- Didaskaleinophobiaor Scolionophobia - Fear of going to school.
- Ailurophobia, Elurophobia, Felinophobia, Galeophobia, Gatophobia. - Fear of cats.
- Pharmacophobia - Fear of taking medicine.
- Hemophobia or Hemaphobia or Hematophobia - Fear of blood.
- Acrophobia, Altophobia, Hypsiphobia - Fear of heights.
- Demophobia, Agoraphobia, Enochlophobia, Ochlophobia - Fear of crowds.
- Claustrophobia - Fear of confined spaces.
- Glossophobia - Fear of speaking in public or of trying to speak.
- Hydrophobia - Fear of water.
- Obesophobia, Pocrescophobia - Fear of gaining weight. in LOVE,
pr social butterfly pam
At 10:30 PM on
Friday, December 08, 2006
i miss home so much i can't wait to get back home.
but thinking about it,
when i reach home,
i would most probably wish to go overseas.
how ironic.
on a good note.
managed to save money from the second pay since the 13th nov, which was payday.
i'm so proud of myself.
it's a rough S$660.
i should keep it up shouldn't i?
then pamper myself with stuffs i can buy here and back home.
2 more pay...2 more pay...2 more pay...2 more pay...
-grins in delight-
when i came here, kenneth brought me a dairy-sort-of-book that i can use here in korea.
be it to write down my thoughts or be my scheduler or practically what i want it to become.
one of the page i made it into columns and boxes.
and in these boxes, i wrote down at the left side the dates starting from sept 13th (the 1st day of my internship date) till january 13th (the last day of my internship)
at that time,
i thought to myself after drawing those boxes,
'oh my god. so many boxes. how to fill them up?'
then slowly but surely, each day that i worked, i wrote down my shift for that day including my off days so i can keep track of it.
now, it has been 2 and a half months, it is already two-thirds filled up.
and the remaining 2 weeks after that is all gonna be spent on:
- shopping.
- ski-ing.
- snow-boarding.
- shopping.
- hair-dying and curling permanently.
- manicures.
- shopping.
arh...you get the gist of it.
i can't wait to get home!
i miss home!
side thought:
it'll be cool to come home to a party just for me.
like a welcoming-home-party-of-sorts.
friends. family. music. food. the works.
oh did you know did you know did you know?!?!
you guys can send stuffs to me if you address it to Millennium Seoul Hilton?
then put my name and add a "Front Desk" in brackets at the end of my name so the person delivering it would hand it to Front Desk and not to the Concierge/Bell Desk. that way, guarantee-chop-hundred-percent-safely-say-confirmed-sure can get to me.
aha. in LOVE,
pr social butterfly pam
the aftermath
At 12:17 PM on
Sunday, November 26, 2006
1.
i can't behave as myself as when i'm back in singapore. i don't have as much freedom of being myself. of course i understand that in the hotel line, we have to look good.
believe me when i say this, i put on make up everyday despite hating to wear them everyday. to me, it's an obligation. but i dont care because apparently even with all the make up everyday, my skin is still turning out alright.
-fingers crossed-
the point is: i can't be pamela. i have to restraint my actions.my words.mild down my personality for fear that people at work would criticise me for my actions and words if i don't.
i have always thought and believed that i have a super-hyper-and-loud-and-bubbly personality, and for that, i loved myself for. but being here, i am unable to be the self that i have always been. i miss being myself. i miss myself. it may sound crazy but believe me. try being not yourself for 2 months odd, you're gona start missing yourself too.
2.
the
true the leaves are turning pretty and all.
so what! like i give a
3.
i don't understand why i've been feeling this the whole time i'm here. i always thought that i am a person who would embrace changes openly with open arms. someone who wouldn't mind trying out new things or in a new environment because i thought myself to be a strong and independent person who can survive the changes. true i've survived alright. i survived for 2 months odd. but so what? as if i enjoy myself.
then you know what i tell myself sometimes?
so what if you don't enjoy it pam? as long as you survive this. that's the whole point right?
then i think about it again.
and i come to a conclusion.
no.
i have to enjoy what i am doing.
that was how i wanted to live my life.
that was why i chose poly over jc despite knowing my parents wanted me to do jc.
that was why i chose hospitality over other courses that my parents might have wanted me to take.
that was why i joined SU activities despite needing to sacrifice so much time and energy into it.
that was also why i chose OSIP over SIP because i THOUGHT that i would enjoy myself doing OSIP.
yea damn right i am.
i'm bloody enjoying myself now.
i hate myself. in LOVE,
pr social butterfly pam
an announcement
At 9:10 PM on
Saturday, November 25, 2006
i wish that it was just a dream.
i'm starting to hate the working place.
there are people i really love at work.
but it's the environment that seriously sucks like hell.
i don't know if it's just the environment here in korea or it's the hotel environment on the whole.
everyday i'm trying to cope..
-mind you, i've been doing that since day 1.-
with the language.
with the limits of my working ability.
being away from home and family.
being alone here.
going out alone.
shopping alone.
the freezing-ass-ed weather-that's-becoming-worse-everyday.
going for coffee at dunkin donuts alone.
heading to the market alone.
i hate this place.
or rather.
i hate this period.
after being here for 2 months odd.
i've done lots of thinking.
topic 1: hotel line and me.
left brain (lb) says: you really made a wrong decision girl. hotel is not for you. just look at how you dread work almost everyday.
right brain (rb) says: but, you're only thinking this way because you're alone here, the weather's not very good for you, you're having difficulties with the language and understanding. c'mon. you'll get pass it.
lb says: BUT~! so what if you go back to singapore? do you think you would enjoy hotel line back there too? just look at how it is in here already. it would be the same back home.
rb says: please stop brainwashing her! she's doing fine so stop putting her down.
me : -says nothing and tries to shut the voice(s) that's speaking-
rb says: c'mon pam. it's been 2 months odd already. just less than half the time left here and you'll be back home.
lb says: shut up! she should start thinking about her future. hotel line is so not for you. you're obviously not enjoying yourself, so why torture yourself further next time?
rb says: so let her think about it back home! what's your problem?
me : ok! shut up you two!
-silence-
me: -sighs and tells myself that i will be alright but not believing a single word i just told myself.-
topic 2: opportunity costs.
lb says: look pam. you've done so much, given up so much, giving up so much, torturing yourself so much, whatever for pam? you could have just gotten the placement back home. instead, you went ahead with so much trouble to get yourself into this mess. and what for? you're not enjoying and taking in, learning what you could have if you're back home.
rb says: oh boy. here we go again. lb, shut up. pam, listen. you've tried so hard to get this placement on your own and you know how much this means when you go look for a job next time. when people know that you secured it yourself, it would mean alot and it also makes you look independent.
lb says: but so what? when she's told people she secured the placement herself, they don't react as if she's really good and all. it's almost natural that she secured it herself. what's the big deal? everyone else secured the placement themselves too. they had interviews and then got the job. so what?
rb says: ya. but even so, next time when she goes for job interviews, it's gona come out so good on her.
lb says: so? she gave up so much just to come here and what does she get? a few korean words, some nice colleagues, good korean food, not many good looking korean guys, horrible weather, and occasional shopping sprees?
rb says: but it's the exposure that counts you ass! imagine how much she'll learn through this experience.
lb says: ya. when back home she could have 1. been involved with SU. 2. with family and friends. 3. done what she really loves, planning for d&d and camps. 4. go for shopping trips with people she's familiar with, nice colleagues at work.
rb : -nothing to say because it is a fact.-
me : ok. that's it. shut up (again) you two.
ok. that's it.
let me announce that i hereby
regret my decision. in LOVE,
pr social butterfly pam
choice of song
At 10:21 PM on
Sunday, November 19, 2006
i know i've told people..many in fact.
and if huiling can even remember,
i recall telling her this when we're back in secondary school.
i don't like mariah carey.
that is a fact.
if there's any mariah fans out there,
i'm sorry.
i just don't like her.
i know she's went through so much to become who she is today and all.
but still.
whenever i see her on tv,
i can't help it but feel as if she's a slut.
oh i'm sorry.
but why you might ask.
why did i change the song on my blog to one of her songs then.
well.
simple.
i may not like her.
but i do admit that she's a good singer.
very good one.
with quality range.
so there it is.
i don't like her.
but i like her songs.
simple? in LOVE,
pr social butterfly pam
my first desire to shop as retail therapy
At 5:56 PM on
Friday, November 17, 2006
couldn't get to sleep last night even though it was nearing 1.
so me and my cousin decided to pamper ourselves and do beauty masks while lying down.
initially i thought i would be getting a lavender one so at least it would help me sleep better.
but alas, when i opened the pack, it smelt of herbs. mans. i was like eew! but no choice.
but hey! when my cousin helped me put the mask on my face, it felt so nice and cooling.
didn't know that i actually fell asleep after that. heh. and i woke up at 430 to get my butt to work. so it's probably about 2 hours of sleep.
then! after work, i felt like going shopping.
initially wanted to hit Namdaemun. (remember my promise about going back there before the end of november?)
but i thought about how i would be so helpless not being able to talk korean to the stall keepers, i decided against it then.
so i took the subway home and wondered what can i do to ease my itch of shopping.
then i remebered that i went past this shopping mall of sorts while heading to the post office that time. so i kay-poh-ly went to the mall and looked around.
man! there's a whole bunch of accessories to shop there la~
and there's manicure shops too!
(motivates me to leave my nails and get them pampered soon)
so i ended up buying earrings!
(no wonder)
and i got these!
this one is a lady-like-ish design that i thought would be so easy to match because of the variety of colours .
this one is a super simple but nice because the colours complement each other so nicely.
this one is a ballerina that i think's so princess-y. pity they didn't carry it in pink!
and this one is a one sided shopping bag and one sided shoe. i love the colour and the fact that it's simply adorable!!
and i got all these for 30 bucks. they guy selling it gave me discounts and even after the discount, i bargained and he had no choice he sold them to me.
i know it's a bit ex when compared to singapore standards, what's with the 3 pairs for $10 or even $5. but hey!
i dare say the quality here is so much better and it looks so much nicer too!
and it's all designed by the guy himself!! -gasps-
so i think if he went to singapore and set up a shop in like far east or something, i think he will make big bucks.
that's unless stingy singaporeans don't mind the price for that.
so Namdaemun have to wait till this weekend or when my aunt's over and i finish work early then we could go shop again.
goodies.
trinklets.
souvenirs.
nail polishes.
ah!!
so much things to buy and pack it by the end of the month~!
and i got my pay (again) in cash!
spend spend spend!!!
but i gotta try to save save save.
so i can go for holidays.
shopping sprees.
eating marathons.
dvd-renting marathons.
party-ing. in LOVE,
pr social butterfly pam